Contents
1. How to Introduce People to One Another
2. Friends and the Basic Principles of Friendship
3. How to Give and Receive Compliments
4. Why is it important to be punctual
5. How to Develop Proper Sportsmanship
7. Gifts: How to Give and Receive Them
8. Basic Rules for Correspondence
10. Letters of Sympathy and Condolence
12. Proper Behavior within the Family
13. How to Be a Hospitable Host
15. Mobile Phones and the Power of Silence
17. Basic Rules for Hosting Guests
18. How to Be an Ideal Guest at a Celebration
19. Basic Rules of Behavior at the Table
20. Basic Rules of Behavior Outdoors
21. Proper Behavior on Public Transportation
22. Basic Rules of Behavior in School
23. Old-School Rules for a Modern Young Gentleman
24. Basic Etiquette for Sunday School and Church
25. Basic Rules of Behavior in Cinemas, Theaters
26. Basic Rules of Behavior in Public Places,
Including Office Buildings and Museums
From the Author:What are "good manners," and why do we need them?
Manners. Etiquette...
What images come to mind when you hear these words? A set of rules and prohibitions? Some artificial poses? Curtsies, clicking heels with the words "I have the honor"? Fork in the left hand, knife in the right... A bunch of those overly sweet phrases like "Pleased to meet you," "How are you?" "After you"...
Society concluded many centuries ago that good manners are a reflection of a person's moral character: honesty, integrity, dignity, incorruptibility, and conscientiousness. People believed that the essence of a person is like the root of a tree, while their actions, or rather their manners, are the fruits that have grown on this tree, revealing the true nature of the individual. And though social norms of behavior change from time to time and from culture to culture, the fundamental ethical principle remains unchanged. For 4,000 years, it has been called the "Golden Rule," and it sounds as follows: "Treat others as you would like to be treated."
We often hear the mantra: "You need to love yourself..." But this notion is entirely unacceptable in a civilized society, where people are taught from childhood to, above all, respect one another. When my son was about three years old, I asked him, “Is it right to love yourself?” And do you know what he answered? He said, “Loving yourself, Mom, is wrong. If you love only yourself, then go ahead and play only with yourself!” And, as we know, truth often comes from the mouths of children.
It is believed that without mutual respect, society cannot exist. It’s time for us to learn to respect others, to empathize with them, and “not to do unto others what we wouldn’t want done unto ourselves.”
Good manners cannot be faked. They must be a natural part of who you are. Sometimes, people trying to make a good impression or to seem better than they really are only end up seeming less appealing. So, when interacting with others, don’t focus on yourself. Instead, try to focus on others. This will not only make you feel more comfortable right away but will also help you stop feeling self-conscious.
Good manners should become a natural part of you, and for that, they must be practiced regularly. But it won’t work if you only display them in formal or "special" situations. Manners are like a pair of leather shoes that haven’t been broken in yet: at first, they pinch, but then they soften, and eventually, you barely notice them.
The most valuable part of this process is self-improvement and the cultivation of your best qualities. After all, at their core, manners stem from a genuine desire to treat others with respect, and this should naturally flow from your character. Even if you make the occasional mistake, people will understand that you were trying to do your best, and for that alone, they’ll forgive you much.
So, having studied the rules of behavior, what do you gain as a result?
First and foremost, good manners will give you self-confidence. Without knowing social rules, people interact with each other relying on their natural intuition and individual sense of right and wrong. However, in certain situations, this can let you down, especially when you’re nervous, find yourself in an unfamiliar place, or have to communicate with strangers. Think of manners as signposts of common sense set along the wide road of your life. They’ll always point you in the right direction, teaching you how to act and respond appropriately in any situation and helping you avoid getting lost in life’s many challenges.
A person with good manners makes a positive impression on others. People immediately see a sense of dignity and self-control in them. In our time, good manners are so rare that simply having them can instantly set you a step above others.
Good manners add charm to our everyday lives and sometimes break the monotony of reality. Since ancient times, people have tried to escape routine by inventing celebrations, festivities, and other formal events. But these special occasions wouldn’t feel as unique if, during their ceremonies, everyone dressed and behaved as they would on ordinary days. Rules of behavior contribute to the solemnity of a funeral, the grandeur of a wedding, the sanctity of a christening, the significance of a graduation, and even the experience of going to the cinema, museum, or theater. The special atmosphere of these events is something we create together, while “a guy in a T-shirt and shorts,” a ringing phone, or a late guest can disrupt their charm.
Good manners will make your relationships with people smoother, more comfortable, and more pleasant. When interacting with others, no one will feel awkward or annoyed. They are like oil that helps turn the squeaky wheels of our existence.
Good manners, above all, are a display of respect for others. Would you appreciate waking up early to meet a friend who ends up being half an hour late? Or calming down a friend throwing a fit because they lost a card game? Or watching someone snapping their fingers and yelling, "Hey, Waiter!" in a restaurant? No? Then remember the "Golden Rule": Respect others and treat everyone with tact and kindness—just as you would want to be treated.
This means that morality is a combination of good manners with adherence to a universal ethical principle (the “Golden Rule”). The resulting formula is as follows:
Etiquette + "Golden Rule" = A person in your society feels comfortable.
It’s best to learn the basics of good manners in childhood. That way, they become an inseparable part of one’s character throughout life. Ideally, they would be taught in elementary school, creating a shared understanding for all. But… we’ll need to teach ourselves and our children to be kind, considerate, calm, thoughtful, respectful to elders, and gentle with the young, making human coexistence simpler and more pleasant.
I hope this book will be useful and interesting to both young and adult readers alike.
Foreword
When people say, "he’s well-mannered," they primarily mean that the person in question knows how to behave in society, and his words and actions reflect respect for those around him. Social behavior rules are also called norms of behavior, standards of courtesy and tact, politeness, or by the French term "etiquette."
Knowing how to behave correctly is important for everyone. We constantly encounter different life situations and don’t always know the right thing to do. That’s where behavior rules come in. Good manners, in a way, resemble a game based on following certain rules. These rules are fairly easy to learn, and once you do, you’ll immediately start enjoying it. As your manners approach perfection, you’ll gain self-confidence, a sense of self-respect, and an ability to navigate any situation with ease.
Start practicing good manners bit by bit, almost like a game, and they will soon become a part of you. Plus, you’ll notice other remarkable things: more people will want to connect with you, and you’ll be a welcome guest at exciting events in your school or gatherings hosted by friends and acquaintances. And you’ll feel happy and calm, knowing you’re making no major mistakes when interacting with others.
At the core of human nature lies the "Golden Rule": "Treat others as you wish to be treated" or "Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself." This principle exists in many cultures and religions. Over time, various societies may change their behavior styles, fashion trends, hairstyles, or even cars... but the Golden Rule remains constant.
Behavioral norms can vary greatly between countries. What is considered normal in France, Germany, England, Sweden, or Japan might be unacceptable in China, Pakistan, or Russia. For example, in the Middle East, a loud burp after a meal is a compliment to the host, as it shows how much you enjoyed the food. However, this would be entirely unacceptable among Europeans or North Americans. Another example: in France, people always use a fork and knife when eating an apple or any other fruit at the table, while simply biting into an apple may seem strange to them. In Denmark, only a specific "butter knife," often made of wood, is used to spread butter. Bedouins in the Sahara Desert share one large bowl, dipping bread into it, while Eskimos hold a large piece of meat in their mouth, slicing it into strips right under their nose. In some provinces of China, eating soup involves literally immersing one’s face in the bowl, and so on.
In other words, when traveling abroad, be prepared to encounter customs and traditions different from those you’re used to at home. Some things might even seem unpleasant. Instead of being critical, try to view these experiences as enriching parts of your journey and enjoy what you discover. It’s incredibly fascinating to learn how people live in other countries.
In Europe and North America, the basic rules of behavior, known as "good manners," are more or less the same. Therefore, we should all, at the very least, have an understanding of these good manners, be polite, tactful, and courteous. We should know how to express gratitude, write proper letters, introduce our friends to each other and to adults, and feel at home at a formal dinner...
For those who were not fortunate enough to grow up in polite society, this book can serve as a personal guide to etiquette. It contains everything one needs to know about proper behavior in polite society. The book is easy to read, and the rules are not difficult to follow. We hope you will come to love this book.
There may be situations where you suddenly feel that you've made a mistake or realize that you don't know how to behave. Don't be upset. We’ve all experienced this at some point. It means it's the perfect time to work on yourself once more. And with this book at hand, you will never be left alone with your problems.
How to Introduce People to One Another
Have you ever found yourself in such a situation?
You’re walking down the street with a friend. Suddenly, they run into someone they know, and a casual conversation begins... And there you are, standing aside, bored, feeling awkward because your friend didn’t think to introduce you. First of all, they deprived you of the chance to participate in the conversation. Moreover, they made you feel like an outsider.
Of course, you could take matters into your own hands and introduce yourself. But if your friend had done it, it would have been much better. Or maybe it's not their fault? Maybe they were just caught off guard because they didn’t know how to handle the situation? But really, it's not that hard!
The most important principle when introducing people is to do it with dignity and respect. Don’t rush. Take a moment to think about whom you will introduce first. There are a few unchanging rules here.
When introducing a boy and a girl, the boy is always introduced first, regardless of age. Look at the girl and say something like: "Mila, this is Sasha Peterson, who plays on the same team as me."
When introducing two boys (or two girls) of the same age, start with the person you know better. For example, if you're introducing your best friend Olya to your neighbor Ira, you would say: "Mila, I’d like you to meet Ashley, she lives in the same building as me."
When introducing two boys (or two girls), and one is much older than the other, you should introduce the younger person to the older one first. Address the older one by name: "Sasha, this is Ryan Maguire, he’s in the same class as me."
When introducing someone to one of your parents, you would say: "Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend Linda," or "Mom, this is my classmate John Henderson."
When introducing someone to your relatives, always start by mentioning the relative's name. For example: "Aunt Heather, this is my friend Andrew Dabrowsky. Andrew, this is my aunt Heather."
When introducing your parents to adults, you could say: "Mr. Magnusson, this is my mom Nina Baker," or when introducing your father to your friend's mom, you would say: "Ms. Johnson, this is my dad Albert McDuff."
When you're introduced to someone, remember that first impressions are very important. Make sure to look the person in the eye, smile, extend your hand for a handshake (if you're meeting a girl, wait until she offers her hand first), and say something like:
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"Very nice to meet you, Mr. Johnson."
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"I've heard a lot of great things about you, Sasha."
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"It's so great to finally meet you, Brenda!"
A girl always extends her hand for a handshake first if she chooses to do so. However, if a boy happens to offer his hand first, it’s best for her to respond in kind rather than leaving his hand hanging awkwardly in the air.
When being introduced, it's important to stand up if you're seated. Make sure to remove your glove from your hand for the handshake. A boy should take off his hat when greeting an older person on the street and keep it in his hand until you part ways. If the weather doesn’t permit, he should at least lift his hat. A girl might make a slight curtsy, as it’s not only polite but also quite charming.
Yes, yes! A slight curtsy...
“But that’s old-fashioned!” you might say—and you’d be somewhat right. In some countries, the curtsy disappeared by the middle of the 20th century. However, in America and most of Europe, it still remains. Even in Eastern Europe (e.g., Poland or the Baltic states), it hasn’t completely vanished. And once again, let us emphasize: it’s very charming.
When introducing people to each other, try to avoid awkwardness and fill any pauses that may arise. Say something interesting about the person you're introducing to make it easier to keep the conversation going. For example: "Mom, Mila will be performing at the school concert next week." Or: "By the way, Paul caught a huge fish yesterday." Or "We were just talking about which movie to watch. Do you have any suggestions?"
So, let's remember this! Men and boys are introduced to women and girls; young people are introduced to older people, mentioning the name of the person being introduced first.
Correct: "Mom, this is Ashley."
Incorrect: " Ashley, I would like to introduce you to my mom."
Correct: "Mr. Johnson, this is my older brother Andrew."
Incorrect: "Andrew, this is Mr. Johnson, the principal of our school."
Friends and the Basic Principles
of Friendship
The importance of friendship in a person’s life is hard to overestimate. A friend is someone who helps you in difficult situations. A friend is someone who shares your pain in moments of despair. They will support you even when the whole world turns its back on you. A friend is someone who, knowing everything about you, still chooses to stay your friend (a little joke). With a friend, you spend a lot of time together: playing sports, performing in the school orchestra, exchanging thoughts and ideas, sharing hopes, joys, and sorrows. As the ancient Greek historian Herodotus once said: "Of all the things we possess, a friend is the most valuable." Later in life, as adults, you will meet many new people. You might make a new friend each year or even every month. But you will never find a replacement for your childhood friends, whose mutual affection you will carry with you throughout your life.
The strongest friendships often form between people who are vastly different from one another.
This contrast between friends highlights the virtues of each and minimizes the flaws of both, while also serving as protection for the two of them. No one can explain what instinct guides us when, after just one meeting, we mysteriously understand that this particular person means a great deal to us, even if they are not particularly intelligent, have a specific appearance, or a difficult character. We feel that, in some inexplicable way, they are close to us in spirit. Sometimes we are wrong, and the friendship 'fades' over time, becoming distant, but this doesn't happen often.
There is one important rule.
If you want to maintain a good relationship with your friend, never say or do anything that could offend or harm them. The most important thing is to respect the feelings of the other person.
Show interest in your friend and in what they love to do.
Listen carefully to what they say to you. Offer your suggestions if they are interested in your opinion. But be careful and don't overdo it with showing your interest. As the ancient Greek philosopher Plutarch said: 'I don't need a friend who changes when I change, who nods when I nod. My shadow does that much better.’
Do not judge your friend by the level of wealth of his or her parents.
What is important is what kind of person your friend is and whether you enjoy spending time with him or her. Whether he or she has the latest phone model, a bike, or how much pocket money he or she has been given by his or her parents today is irrelevant.
All people are different.
In fact, there are no two identical people in the world. Remember that if the person you have met limps, has poor eyesight, or a speech defect, or maybe wears strange clothes, it just sets him or her apart from others. Remember that such people are often very vulnerable. Therefore, do not scrutinize them too openly and never ask questions such as: "What's wrong with your leg?" Or: "How did you become blind?" This is extremely tactless and makes them feel uncomfortable. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand how they feel.
If your friend is going through a difficult time.
Perhaps they’ve lost their dog, their parents are about to divorce, or their beloved grandmother is in the hospital... In such situations, people especially need our compassion and help. Try to see things from their perspective. Imagine if this were happening to you. Find words of comfort. When empathy becomes a habit, you will become a more understanding, compassionate, and responsive person, and people will greatly appreciate this.
Be honest.
Always tell the truth because friendship is built on mutual trust. If you are tempted to lie to appear more interesting or fun, don’t do it. It’s simply foolish! Moreover, lying can quickly become a habit, and your friends will notice it sooner than you realize. They will stop believing you, even when you are telling the truth.
It’s natural to make mistakes.
Sometimes mistakes lead to problems. If something bad happens because of you, don’t deny it hoping to avoid being exposed. Be brave and admit your fault. Explain what happened and say, "I’m really sorry." Most people will highly appreciate your courage and honesty.
Do not shift the blame onto others if you are at fault.
This is shameless and disgraceful! Promise yourself right now that you will never do this! Have the courage to admit your mistakes, and it will bring you peace of mind.
Do not gossip or report on others.
Never accuse people, even if you are sure they have done something wrong or made a mistake. Give them the chance to admit it themselves. This will save you from the reputation of being a tattletale.
Do not be irritable.
Quick-tempered people with an explosive nature are unpleasant to interact with. Do you agree? When communicating with people, try to keep your emotions under control. Remember: no one can afford the luxury of having everything exactly as they want it. So try to be considerate in your interactions, even if you’re dissatisfied with something.
Our mood sometimes changes.
Never let a bad mood interfere with your communication or friendship. If you feel irritated, it’s better to spend some time alone. Read a book, watch TV, listen to music, clean the house... Your bad mood will pass soon, and your kindness will resurface, and you will once again enjoy life and spending time with friends.
Try not to borrow money or things.
This often harms friendships. Of course, sometimes you may have an urgent need for something. In that case, remember that what you borrow is valuable to its owner. Return borrowed money as quickly as possible. If you’ve borrowed something, treat it more carefully than you would your own belongings. Try to return the borrowed item without delay, in good condition, and don’t forget to thank them by saying, “Thank you for helping me out.”
Do not be selfish.
The best way to show that you are not selfish is to give compliments. By the way, in French, it means to praise. We are often so focused on ourselves that we overlook the good things happening around us. We forget to compliment a friend for how good they look, how well they play the piano, how beautifully they draw, or how skillfully they swim. Don’t hesitate to tell your friends about this. Encouraging words will boost their self-esteem, make them feel better, and even inspire them to make the world a better place.
[1] Euripides (approx. 480 - 406 BCE) - ancient Greek playwright.
[2] Aristotle (384 - 322 BCE) - ancient Greek philosopher.
[3] Herodotus of Halicarnassus (approx. 484 - 425 BCE) - ancient Greek historian.
[4] Plutarch (approx. 46 - 127 CE) - ancient Greek writer, philosopher, and public figure of the Roman era.
How to give and receive compliments
When giving compliments, be sincere, tactful, and never overdo it, such as by excessively praising your teacher.
Avoid questionable compliments:
Correct: "You look great today!"
Incorrect: "You look great today, despite your age!"
Correct: "You did an excellent presentation! Well done!"
Incorrect: "Excellent presentation! You're much smarter than you seem!"
Correct: "You painted a great picture!"
Incorrect: "You painted a great picture, surprisingly!"
HOMEWORK:
Try to compliment five different people during the next week:
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Your friend to strengthen your friendship, for example: "I love your smile."
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A teammate to boost morale: "You made an excellent pass!"
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A salesperson in a store who only receives complaints: "I like how quickly you work!"
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Someone younger than you. You can't imagine how much your thoughtful compliment will mean to a child: "You built a great fort! Well done!"
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A random stranger on the street: "Nice scarf!"
And what should you do if someone compliments you?
If someone compliments you, for example, saying "Great job, Ryan!" or "You look great in that dress, Mila!"
It's interesting that most people react incorrectly to compliments. They try to deflect them, saying things like "Oh, come on! I could have done better!" or "I don't even like this dress." But this is foolish and rude.
Denying a compliment:
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Offends the person who gave it. By doing so, you are essentially telling them that they have no taste, common sense, insight, or that they are insincere.
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Reduces the likelihood of being praised again.
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Reduces your significance, as you are denying that you did something good.
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Makes others think that your compliments are insincere too.
So, the best response to a compliment is... Get ready...
"Thank you!"
And there isn't a single situation where this simple word wouldn't be enough.
Of course, you can add something like, "Thank you, I'm glad you liked it." Or "Thank you, my mother made this dress." This would mean that the compliment really means a lot to you.
Why is it important to be punctual
Punctuality does not require any special talents, and anyone can achieve mastery in it. Interestingly, the busiest people are often very punctual. And conversely, lazy and idle people who do not value other people's time are often late.
"Make it a rule to always arrive on time.
Make yourself not be late for meetings with friends,
pay debts on time, be punctual in any relationships and actions,
no matter how trivial they may seem."
William Makepeace Thackeray, [1] 1882.
"I have always been a quarter of an hour
before the appointed time,
and it has made me a man."
Admiral Nelson, [2] 1789.
Yes, we no longer live in the era of powdered wigs and breeches, but being punctual today is as important as ever. Punctuality is a sign of discipline and self-control, reliability, and respect for people. It, like before, is an essential characteristic of an honest person's character. Punctuality shapes your reputation.
If you have agreed to meet someone at a certain time, you have essentially made a promise. If you said you would be there at 8:00 and arrived at 8:15, you broke your promise. And on the contrary, by arriving on time, you have shown that you are a person of your word.
Being punctual demonstrates your reliability.
If you are punctual, people are confident that they can count on you. But if you are always late, people will stop relying on you and start doing without you. People will inevitably ask themselves, "If he is so careless with time, what else is he unreliable about?" Moreover, if you always find an excellent (in your opinion) way to explain your lateness, Benjamin Franklin's well-deserved characterization applies to you: "I have found that a person who is good at excuses is typically not good at anything else." [3]
Punctuality adds to your confidence.
You will prove your reliability not only to others but also to yourself. The more you keep your promises, the faster your confidence in your own abilities and self-respect will grow.
Being punctual is in your best interest.
By being late, you rush headlong, lose energy from stress, and find it difficult to concentrate on the upcoming meeting. But when you show up on time, and even better, a little earlier than the scheduled meeting, you have a few minutes to tidy yourself up and gather your thoughts.
Punctuality demonstrates your discipline.
It shows that you can organize your time and give up some small pleasures for the sake of a good cause.
Your punctuality shows your humility.
Once, I saw a sticker on a car bumper that read, "I'm always late, but it's worth it to wait for me." Such a motto shows that someone's disorganization and inflated self-esteem go hand in hand. Of course, people will still be happy that you showed up, but it would be much more pleasant for them if you arrived on time.
Your punctuality indicates respect for people.
By making others wait for you, you take away their time, which they can never get back and which they could have used more productively. Perhaps someone had to wake up earlier to meet you, or cancel their workout, or miss a good movie. And your lateness nullifies their sacrifice. I think you wouldn't take money out of that person's wallet, so why do you think it's okay to take their time?
Latencies spoil your relationships with people.
If you don't show up on time, people start to get upset. They feel that your other activities mean much more to you than meeting them. A guest who flew in to meet you feels silly waiting for you at the airport. Your friend feels awkward pacing back and forth outside the stadium. And your little brother feels forgotten, standing with his teacher at the daycare gate.
Latencies lead to losses in your life.
For example, it can lead to the collapse of plans if you miss a train, or the loss of valuable opportunities if you miss a meeting or an important part of a lesson. Moreover, all of this creates unnecessary stress and leads to awkwardness when you come up with excuses, making people doubt your honesty. So make your life easier! Be punctual.
[1] William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) - an English satirical writer, a master of realistic novels.
[2] Horatio Nelson (1758-1805) - a British admiral, famous for defeating the Napoleonic fleet in the Battle of Trafalgar.
[3] Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) - an American political figure, diplomat, inventor, writer, and one of the leaders of the American Revolution.
How to develop worthy sports behavior
Nowhere does a person's true character reveal itself more clearly than in sports. A person's actions on the athletic field are an excellent indicator of their integrity.
Worthy behavior on the athletic field is primarily based on respect. A good athlete treats both their teammates and their opponents with equal friendliness. They play fairly. Winning unjustly does not bring them satisfaction. A good athlete remains optimistic in any situation, even when things don't go as planned. They don't panic or lose hope when others think everything is going wrong. They are able to smile in the face of adversity. They are modest, and never boast about their victory. In short, all of these qualities, which are characteristic of a morally upright person, help to make them an outstanding athlete.
Unfortunately, sometimes we see people who become upset and cry when they lose, or who become arrogant and conceited when they win. They do not realize that their fans in the stands will be extremely disappointed by what they see.
So, on the athletic field, you have the opportunity not only to hone your skills, but also to learn to be kind, honest, and decent people. And then you will exhibit your "sports behavior" everywhere: in school, at home, on the street - in any situation, no matter what happens to you.
Play fairly.
You will be surprised to learn how many people resort to cheating to win. Remember that it is only a game, and there is no need to stoop to dishonesty to achieve victory. Suppose you did win by cheating, but you understand that you acted unworthily and dishonorably. And you will be outraged if you learn that your opponent acted the same way as you did.
Be a team player.
If you are competing in a team sport, try to involve all players. Don't try to become the star of the game by grabbing the ball or puck alone. I know it can be difficult when you think your talent surpasses the efforts of the entire team, and you could win if you put everything on your shoulders. But the selfishness of one can ruin the fun of the game for everyone else, and you will also look bad.
Stop! It's time to think about why you're playing this game in the first place. Do you need to win to boost your own self-worth? Or are you playing just for love of yourself? Then all you have to do is convince your teammates that they are here only for you.
So make an effort and involve beginner or weak players. Of course, they can make mistakes, and it may cost you victory, but in the long run, it is better for them and for the team as a whole. By ignoring them, you do not give them a chance to improve their skills. And your selfishness will breed a feeling of resentment and give cause for a split in the team. So be generous and "give a pass."
Remain friendly.
Of course, it's very easy to get angry when things don't go as you'd like. Even if your teammate messes up seriously, keep a positive attitude. By scolding him, you will achieve nothing but make him feel terrible. Instead of hitting his ego, give him a couple of tips on how to avoid mistakes in the future. Nobody is perfect. It's preferable just to forget about it.
Minimize verbal arguments.
A player who is only busy arguing who is better and insulting opponents usually does not work very hard to help his team. Often this happens due to a lack of skill. Instead of wasting your energy on empty talk, it's better to focus on winning. A good game is all that is required of you.
Lose with dignity.
In any sport, there will always be winners and losers. And luck won't always be on your side. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be to deal with defeat. If you happen to lose, don't be gloomy and depressed, don't throw a tantrum or cry like a child. Be strong, shake hands with your opponents, and congratulate them on their victory.
Under no circumstances should you blame referees or teammates for the loss. Instead, give an encouraging speech. Point out what your team did well and what needs improvement. Next time, you'll try harder and surely win. This is much more effective than mutual blaming. And anyway, it's just a game. The sun still shines, your mom and dad still love you, and your dog is waiting for you at home.
Win elegantly.
If you win, show good sportsmanship. Don't gloat or demoralize the opposing team, as your victory speaks for itself. Praise the players from the opposing team who deserve it. And don't forget to say "Great game!" when shaking hands.
When you learn to deal with failures, keep yourself in control, not show disappointment when the opposing team wins, while still enjoying the game and showing sympathy to the opposing team, it will mean that you have become a decent person.
The art of conversation
It is likely that you have encountered someone who knows how to effortlessly maintain a conversation. They talk seemingly about nothing, but at the same time, everyone around them suddenly begins to feel at ease and comfortable, and some may feel like they have known this person for a hundred years.
It is commonly believed that the ability to hold a conversation is a gift that only a few lucky individuals possess, and that most people are generally poor communicators. Undoubtedly, some of us have a natural charm that is innate. However, the art of conversation is a skill that can be learned.
You too can excel in the "science of speech" and become a desirable guest at any event. In addition, you will make a good impression on the opposite sex and make many new friends. Now, here are some tips on how to properly participate in a conversation.
Listen more than you speak
Paradoxically, the key to the art of conversation lies in the ability to listen. Avoid excessive self-importance in conversation. Ask your interlocutor thoughtful and interesting questions. People like to talk about themselves. Ask them what they like to do in their free time, what they want to be when they grow up, if they have any pets... Ask clarifying questions to extract more details. Demonstrate that you are genuinely interested in the subject of the conversation. Nod your head, and at the right moments, add words and phrases like "Really?", "Is that so?", and "Uh-huh".
Be able to interrupt your own monologue
Conversation is mainly a collective creation. It's not a monologue. Everyone wants to add their "two cents" by telling a juicy story. So if you've been talking for a few minutes and suddenly notice that some listeners are yawning, while others show no signs of life at all, it means that your interlocutors have realized that you're just stealing their time. It's time to stop and give the floor to someone else.
Always think before you speak
Sometimes unpleasant situations arise when someone, in an effort to impress, says something thoughtless. For example, he begins to talk about the history teacher, forgetting that the teacher's son is present in the company. Or he declares that Peter is an "idiot," not noticing that Peter is standing two meters away from him. Therefore, try not to make evaluative judgments in order not to hurt the feelings of other people. And in general, think more before opening your mouth.
Don't interrupt
Obviously, it's very bad to interrupt someone in the middle of a sentence. It's easy to avoid this. Just wait until the person stops speaking. Never ask, "Are you done?" This is equivalent to humiliating a person by calling him a fool. Another disgusting way to interrupt a speaker is to say, "Oh! This reminds me of how..." or "By the way..." - which indicates an attempt to seize the initiative in the conversation. When you interrupt someone's thoughts, it indicates that you are either rude or too extravagant.
Do not share deeply personal information when meeting strangers.
Have you ever met someone and within two minutes knew almost everything about them and their family? For example, that they went to Turkey with their mother this summer, their brother was dumped by his girlfriend, he's so stressed his hair is falling out, and his dad isn't getting promoted at work because he's undervalued. Such specific details can turn people off faster than water off a duck's back. Always leave some intriguing secrets about yourself so that people will want to get to know you better.
Avoid personal questions.
It's not worth delving too deeply into other people's private lives. Without knowing anything about them, your curiosity can touch on deeply personal topics that can hurt and make them suffer.
Avoid asking questions that put the interlocutor on the spot
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"Do you find me boring?" You will never hear the truth in response to this question. Instead, pay attention to the facial expression of your interlocutor. If it looks bored, then it probably is. It's time to change the topic or be quiet.
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"What?" "Huh?" (putting your hand up to your ear as if to amplify the sound). Instead of these interjections, it's better to simply ask, "I'm Sorry, I didn't catch what you said?"
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"Have I told you this story before?" Even if you have, no one will stop you. It's your job to make sure you don't repeat the same story for the hundredth time.
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"It's pronounced peaceful, not pissful! This is a long vowel sound!" Even if your interlocutor's grammatical errors make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, refrain from comments and corrections. Not now! Don't pretend that you're the smartest person in the room.
Avoid bragging
It's not worth talking about how much money your parents have in their savings account or what connections they have. Don't start a conversation with a phrase like, "My dad's friend is the director of a pig farm." Don't talk about your own merits. Let your friends find out about them on their own.
Avoid empty talk
Don't say things that can't bring any benefit to you or your interlocutors. Don't gossip. It's humiliating for girls and simply shameful for boys. When talking about your friends, don't compare them to each other. Don't try to enhance the virtues of one by contrasting them with the vices of another. Never gossip or listen to gossip.
Is it hard for you to say "No"?
There are situations when your friend asks you for a favor that you cannot do. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and decline the request in a way that you would like to hear if the roles were reversed. If you add "I’m really sorry" to your refusal, it will be easier for them to accept it. For example, you can say: "I’m really sorry, but I can’t right now." Or: "I’m sorry, but I can’t lend you this ring because it’s a gift from my grandmother, and if it gets lost, I won’t be able to find another one like it." Or: "I would lend you my coat, but unfortunately, my mom doesn’t allow me to do that. I’m sorry." These are examples of how to say "no" kindly and politely, without hurting the other person’s feelings.
Learn to tell jokes
In the age of the internet, with its countless funny images and silly videos, the art of telling funny stories and anecdotes is becoming a dying skill. However, if you can make people laugh without resorting to showing a video on your smartphone of a guy, for example, giving another a kick in the rear, it will set you apart from the crowd. And what if the satellite connection on your phone goes out? That’s when your moment will shine, as good jokes will become the only entertainment for your group.
Don’t whisper to one person in front of others
A person who sees one of you leaning over to whisper in the other’s ear will feel completely left out of the conversation and will likely suspect that you're saying something bad about him or her.
Gifts: How to Give and Receive Them
Agree, when people give each other gifts, something magical happens. After all, the pleasure from the process is not only experienced by the recipient, but also by the giver. Try giving a gift, for example, to your brother, sister, or friend, and you'll be surprised – it will bring joy to both of you. It doesn’t matter how much your gift costs. What matters is the fact that you thought of someone and wanted to do something nice for them. A gift is something that makes people happier and helps them overcome sadness and sorrow. Gifts are given to express love and friendship, to make amends, or to alleviate the pain of loss. And a gift doesn’t have to be material.
Gifts for Holidays
These are the gifts you give to relatives and friends for New Year, Christmas, birthdays, or weddings. You should choose them with particular care. Think about what the person likes and what they might enjoy. For example, don't give Aunt Ashley a knitting set if she does embroidery, and don't give your friend Peter boxing gloves if he plays the violin... Well, I hope you get the point.
It’s also important to wrap your gift in beautiful wrapping paper, tie it with a ribbon, and include a card.
Intangible Gifts
Intangible gifts are the good deeds you do for your parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, sister, or brother. For example, you might offer to do shopping for your grandmother Liz every Friday or spend Saturday evenings babysitting your aunt Nina's little kid. You could help your dad wash the car or vacuum the carpet for your mom. Gifts of this kind cost nothing but are very important for maintaining good relationships.
A Gift in Gratitude for Hospitality
These gifts are given to the host or hostess of the home where you’ve spent some time. It doesn’t matter whether you were there for 3 hours or 2 months. For example, it could be your friend's mom, at whose country house you stayed over the weekend. Believe me, she spent so much time and effort making sure you felt at home that your radiant smile will not be enough. The gift doesn’t need to be expensive, as it is not intended to compensate for the expenses related to your visit. It simply serves as a demonstration of your gratitude. A pack of fine coffee, good chocolate, or a set of spices would be perfect. You can bring such a gift with you before the trip to present it immediately upon arrival or when you leave.
When Receiving Gifts, Accept Them with Enthusiasm and Gratitude
Yes, yes! With enthusiasm and gratitude, even if the gift is not exactly what you expected. Don’t show disappointment if the gift is not to your liking. This will deeply upset the person who gave it to you. They undoubtedly tried to do something nice for you. In the end, it’s not the gift itself that matters, but the thoughts and feelings behind it.
«Thank you»
This is the first thing you should say when receiving a gift. Then, add a phrase to show how pleased you are. For example: "This is exactly what I dreamed of!" Or: "Awesome! I’ve always wanted this!" Any expression of joy and gratitude will be appropriate here.
«What would you like to receive as a gift?».
This question is often asked by our loved ones. Never perceive it as an opportunity to ask for the most expensive item that comes to mind. It’s better to mention three or four things you would like to have, but make sure at least one of them is affordable.
Thank You Letter
When receiving a gift that is handed to you personally, it is enough to say a few words expressing your appreciation.
However, if the gift was sent by mail or delivered through someone else, you should write a thank-you letter within a few days.
Be brief, yet sincere and friendly. Everything you need to know about writing thank-you letters will be covered in the next chapter.
Basic Rules for Correspondence
In today's age of mobile phones, email, and text messages, it may seem like letter writing is hopelessly outdated. But the tradition of writing letters is worth reviving, and not just out of nostalgia. The thing is, handwritten messages hold a special significance, and no modern technology can replace them. Undoubtedly, Twitter is great for chirping about what you had for lunch, and email is fantastic for quick exchanges of opinions. But when it comes to expressing our true thoughts, sincere affection, passionate love, and deep gratitude—no virtual super-electronic network can convey our words better than paper.
A few years ago, while going through old photographs, I found a stack of envelopes and postcards tied with a ribbon. These were letters from my parents' youth. As I read them, I discovered a whole new world, surprised to learn that they loved not only me, but many other things in their lives. I can't imagine a better or more convincing way to truly get to know my mom and dad and feel the atmosphere of that time. What will we leave for our grandchildren? A username and a password?
It's time to start corresponding with your friends and loved ones. By the way, I can't think of a single person whose face wouldn't light up with happiness when finding a signed envelope with a beautiful stamp in their mailbox. And if you yourself are already dreaming of receiving a letter, take the initiative and write first. In time, you’ll master the art of letter writing, become a skilled author, and be "a step ahead" of your unpolished friends.
To make the process of writing letters enjoyable, you need to approach it creatively. Buy good, beautiful paper and quality writing supplies. A fountain pen will add sophistication and style to your handwriting, something hard to achieve with a ballpoint pen bought for 50 rubles. You'll also need envelopes and stamps.
And pay attention to your handwriting! It should be elegant and easily readable.
Rules for Writing Letters
These rules were created a long time ago, and people still follow them. By the way, they also apply to letters typed on a computer.
A letter should contain:
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The date
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A greeting
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The content of the letter
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A polite closing
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Signature
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Your first and last name
The date is traditionally placed in the top right corner.
Always begin any letter with a greeting, even if it’s just a short note on social media. If you jump straight into the content, it would be the same as writing, "Hey, you!" A greeting can be something like: "Dear Mr. Miller!", "Dear Mom!", "My sweet Mila!", “Dearest Andy”, "Greetings, my friend Alexander!", or simply "Hi, Sasha!"
The content of the letter hould be expressive. Use proper and beautiful language. Write in a way that feels natural and effortless. You can describe your mood, dream about the future, demonstrate your moral values and intellect, or share your dreams or disappointments. Think about how your letter can bring joy to the recipient, make them happy, comfort them in sorrow, and offer hope for the future.
Never write unverified information or gossip. If you have to share unpleasant news, don’t write more about it than is absolutely necessary. When you’re in a bad mood or angry, it’s tempting to pour everything onto paper. But such a letter shouldn’t be sent to the recipient. Calm down... Reread it. Think about whether you would want to receive such a message from your friend. If not, better send it to the trash bin.
A polite closing is absolutely necessary at the end of the letter. "Sincerely yours," "Your humble servant," "With affection," "With gratitude," "Respectfully," or "With love" – any of these expressions will do. You can choose based on the content of the letter and your relationship with the recipient.
Make sure the letter is clean, without corrections, additions, or strike-throughs. It’s better to rewrite it from scratch than to send it with mistakes.
The style of the letter will depend on your relationship with the person: if they are older than you, the style should be respectful, and if they are younger, it should be friendly. With friends, acquaintances, and family, the tone should be warm and kind.
Remember that every letter, unless it’s offensive in content, requires a response. Ignoring a response is very impolite.
When writing a letter, especially one that will benefit you more than the recipient, include a stamp for the return letter in the envelope.
Write the address on the envelope properly and make sure that the name and address are correct and complete. Write your name and address in the designated spot to protect yourself in case the letter "gets lost in transit"; in that case, it will be returned to you.
Letters of Appreciation
"Gratitude is a duty that must be performed,
but no one has the right to expect it."
— Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
Did you know that the feeling of gratitude is the main characteristic of a noble soul? But the feeling itself means nothing if you haven't mastered the art of expressing it. A person should take every opportunity to show sincere appreciation to those who offer their love, support, and kindness. One of the primary ways to express this feeling is by writing a thank-you letter. You can't even imagine how much it will warm the heart of, for example, your grandmother, who will receive it by mail as a token of appreciation for the gift she gave you for your birthday. Perfect your sense of gratitude!
By the way, sociologists have discovered that the quickest way to feel happy is to practice gratitude.
So, always write a thank-you letter as soon as possible.
Send it within two weeks of attending an event or receiving a gift.
Send your letter by mail in an envelope. Undoubtedly, email is more convenient, but only for expressing gratitude for small things. Of course, some might say, "Gratitude is just 'thank you,' that's all. What's the difference in how it's expressed?" However, receiving a thank-you letter in an envelope by mail shows that you not only took the time to put pen to paper, bought an envelope and stamp, spending money, but also expressed your gratitude in a much more sincere way – one that can even be touched.
If you received money as a gift, avoid using that word and find another way to describe it. For example, you could write: "Thank you for your generosity / kindness / gift..."
Always try to include details in your thank-you letter about how you plan to use the gift you received or the experience gained from attending the event you were invited to. For example: "Now, dear Aunt Lydia, I can buy myself a new bicycle." Or: "I loved your idea of a contest for the best musician, and I plan to hold a similar one at my birthday celebration."
It’s best to conclude a thank-you letter with words like: "Thanks again for the gift." Or: "I hope to see you soon."
It’s also important to conclude your letter properly. The phrase "With love" might seem too emotional, while "Respectfully" might feel too formal. If your relationship with the recipient is somewhere in between, here are some examples:
"Sincerely yours, ..."
"With best wishes, ..."
"Always yours, ..."
"With deep gratitude, ..."
Under no circumstances, should you mention that you didn’t like something, that the received gift was not to your liking, or any unpleasant experiences related to your visit."
Here’s an example of a thoughtless letter that a girl sent to her friend who gave her a box of chocolates as a New Year’s gift.
[1] Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 - 1778) - French philosopher and writer of the Enlightenment era.
Letters of Sympathy and Condolence
Of all the letters you will have to write in your life, the most difficult will be those in which you need to express sympathy or condolences. In such tough moments, it can be very hard to find the right words. We fear saying something inappropriate, and it can be tempting not to say anything at all. We think: 'But the person already knows that we love them and always support them.' Some people do just that, avoiding writing letters of sympathy. But believe me, in such moments, everyone would like to hear words of support, and even better—receive written proof that you sympathize with them during this difficult time.
Be sensitive and kind to your relatives and friends when they are suffering. Write an uplifting letter to a friend who is ill. Let it be filled with energy and optimism. If, however, there has been a tragedy in your friend’s family (for example, someone has passed away), send a short letter of condolence in which you express your sorrow and sympathy. To ease your friend’s grief, share your memories of their loved one. This will give them a small respite, warm their heart, and perhaps even make them smile."
Here is an example of a well-written letter of this kind:
Invitation Letter
When planning to celebrate an important event, you create a guest list of those you would like to invite. Since people usually have their own plans for the near future, the earlier you inform them, the better. It's best to do this at least two weeks in advance, especially if you're expecting a reply to confirm their attendance.
If you plan to simply meet with friends, you can send them a notice by email or invite them by phone. You might say, for example, 'I would like to invite you to have lunch (or dinner) with us on Friday evening.' If your friends agree, be sure to show that you’re pleased to hear it. For instance, you could write, 'I’m really glad! Dinner will be at 7 p.m.'
If you want to invite a friend over for the weekend, send them a letter by mail or use the internet. The letter should be natural, tactful, and friendly so that the person feels that you truly can’t wait to see them.
Of course, any plans involving visits from friends must always be coordinated with your mom, and the time you choose should be convenient for her. She, in turn, should write a short letter or call your friend’s mom to confirm the invitation.
There are also concerts, creative evenings, anniversaries, weddings, engagements... that is, events that are not part of our everyday life. For such occasions, formal invitations are used."
"People usually want to know exactly where and for what purpose they are being invited, so the invitation text should include the following information:
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The date, time, and location of the event
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The nature of the event (for example, whether it will be a meal or if guests should eat beforehand)
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Whether guests need to bring anything (such as food or gifts)
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Recommended dress code ("dress code")
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R.S.V.P.
The R.S.V.P. mark means that the hosts would like a response regarding your attendance or decline. This abbreviation comes from the French phrase 'Répondez, s'il vous plaît,' which translates to 'Please respond.'
An invitation should be accepted or declined as quickly as possible. Saying 'I’ll let you know later' and then not providing any response in the following days is very inconsiderate. The person who invited you will have difficulty planning their event.
Proper Behavior within the Family
You probably have a few acquaintances, boys or girls, who are very nice when they interact with friends but turn into gloomy, moody, stubborn monsters at home.
They find the following justification: "Yes, I want to make a good impression on my friends or the people around me, but at home I want to be myself! Why should I get up from the chair every time my mom enters the room or eat chicken with a fork and knife when it's more convenient to gnaw on the bone with my hands?"
In principle, of course, it's not necessary... But you should always think about the other people you live with under one roof and try not to inconvenience them. Being yourself is certainly wonderful when you've reached perfection. But if you're still a self-absorbed troublemaker who creates nothing but problems around you, it's time to think about how to become a better person.
Your family only needs four "sacrifices" from you: to be caring, reliable, obedient, and polite.
Your home should be clean, comfortable, and safe, like a fortress. And it will be, if everyone who lives in it contributes in their own way. Help your parents with household chores with joy and enthusiasm. Treat any housework as a game or as a form of exercise. Don’t break down when asked for help. Respond immediately. And if, for example, you voluntarily washed the dishes while your little sister was watching her favorite movie, rest assured, she will appreciate it and will later do something similar for you. Or here’s another example of a great “political action”: vacuum the carpets to make your mom’s life easier.
Always try to be calm and pleasant in communication. Don't throw tantrums if something is forbidden or when performing not-so-pleasant household duties.
Hone your sense of humor. A good, kind joke always helps create a positive atmosphere in the house.
Keep your room tidy. Nothing discourages your mom more than when she enters your room to put your washed and ironed clothes in the closet, only to find an unmade bed, leftover food from yesterday on the desk, papers scattered everywhere, and clothes all over the floor. Your room is not only your personal space but also your personal responsibility. Remember this and try to keep it clean.
Respect the privacy of other family members. Always knock before entering their bedrooms. Never barge into the toilet or bathroom if someone is inside without asking for permission. Be cautious and don’t monopolize the bathroom during "peak hours" (for example, early in the morning). Always leave the sink clean after using it. Never use other family members' personal hygiene items. If you plan to use the bathtub for specific purposes (for example, soaking your hockey gear), be sure to ask your mom for permission first.
Don’t linger if you’ve been invited to the table. It's also nice to bring along a couple of funny stories to share during dinner. But most importantly, don't forget to thank your mom by saying, "Thank you so much, Mom! Everything was so delicious!" It's important for anyone to feel that their efforts in the kitchen have been appreciated.
Never forget to put things back where they belong – where you got them from. For example, if you borrowed your dad's screwdriver, return it to his toolbox. Your mom’s scissors should always be with the other sewing supplies, and your coat should hang in the coat closet. It frustrates everyone when they can't find the item they need in its proper place and have to search endlessly for it. Also, a cluttered living room is something that irritates everyone.
Never take someone else’s things without permission. You’ve probably experienced the situation where, running home to grab your bicycle to go ride with your friends, you unexpectedly discover that your brother or sister has already "borrowed" it from you. This will continue to happen until each of you realizes that NOTHING should be taken without asking.
Lending your things to your brother or sister should be done willingly and demonstratively. Sometimes you might have something they don’t. Try to be noble and generous, not stingy and petty.
Be very careful when borrowing something, even from your brothers or sisters. Treat other people’s things more carefully and more respectfully than your own. Return everything on time and in good condition. If you’ve worn someone else’s shirt, jeans, or sweater, make sure to clean them before returning them, so they’re ready for use. And don't forget to say, "Thank you!"
Try to repair any accidentally damaged belongings, even if it takes time and effort. On the other hand, be understanding if someone accidentally damages your item. Instead of making a sour face, say something like, "It's okay! We'll figure something out!"
Don’t monopolize the TV, take over the stereo, or forcefully grab the phone. If there are conflicts in the family over TV shows, calmly discuss the situation and be ready to compromise for a peaceful resolution. It might be helpful to take turns choosing shows. Or you could agree that each family member will submit their preferred shows or times in advance. Stick to the plan, don’t complain, and don’t ask to watch or listen to something out of turn. And by the way, when you watch TV, keep the volume at a reasonable level so as not to disturb others who may be reading or having a conversation nearby. If you’re listening to music on the radio or YouTube on your computer, it’s best to use headphones. After all, not everyone in the house shares your love for rap.
Listen to the advice and critical remarks of your parents. Remember that in at least some areas, their life experience is far richer than yours, and sometimes it’s worth taking advantage of it. Any problem is much easier to solve through joint discussion. As the saying goes: "One mind is good, but two is better." In many families, it’s customary to gather from time to time to discuss pressing issues, listen to each other's complaints, and make plans for the future. At such a "family council," everyone has the opportunity to speak up, hear others' objections, analyze all opinions, and resolve the issue through a democratic vote. A family council can serve as a good foundation for creating a harmonious, balanced family. And remember, all your relatives wish you only the best.
Don’t forget that your parents — although they are adults — also get tired, sometimes feel unwell, can be irritable, or overly sensitive. In these moments, things that might seem harmless to you could set them off. Always remember that their irritability has nothing to do with you. Even when they are angry, they continue to love you just as much as usual. Be especially considerate during these times. Offer them your help, and you’ll see how their mood improves immediately.
Behave respectfully and courteously with your family members. Never make nasty comments about how they look or what they do. Don’t tease them, don’t get on their nerves, and don’t laugh at them.
Our brothers and sisters...
Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them, but we can't imagine life without them. They know all our ups and downs, our strengths and weaknesses; sometimes they annoy us, but they are generally our best friends. We will always have countless amazing memories connected to them. So let them spend time as they wish, and don't bother them too much.
If your brother or sister has friends over, you can join their company only if they invite you. Surely, you'll be dying to know what they’re up to. So, occupy yourself with something else or go hang out with your own friends.
If your brother or sister is angry, losing their temper, or otherwise disrupting the established order, it means they’ve just forgotten the basic rules of behavior. Don’t follow their example! Keep your composure. After the unpleasant incident is over, interact with them as if nothing happened. No doubt, they’ll feel embarrassed about their behavior, but later they will highly appreciate that you didn’t notice or forget about the incident.
If an argument happens and you have a falling out with a family member, try to calm down as quickly as possible. Then, apologize. Words like "Thank you," "Please," and "Sorry" are very important — both within your family and outside your home.
Foster parents, guardians, or grandparents are those who take care of children for various reasons, such as those who don't have their own mothers and fathers. They try very hard to make your life pleasant and comfortable. Show them your love and gratitude. Treat them as your real parents.
People who work in your home, helping with cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, making repairs, and looking after younger children, should be treated with respect.
Pets living in your home bring joy only when every family member shares the responsibility of caring for them. They require good care and training. People who have to constantly listen to the barking or howling of a neighbor's dog know how unbearable it is to try to sleep through this "concert." Some dog owners even allow their pets to attack people and cause injuries, which can sometimes be fatal. In Western countries, such behavior from a dog can result in huge fines for the owner. But the most disgusting thing is when people don’t clean up after their dog. It’s disgusting, unsightly, unhygienic, and harmful to the environment... and it's so easy to do!
[1] Count Leo Tolstoy (1828–1910) was a Russian author widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential writers in world literature.
How to Be a Hospitable Host
Throughout history and in all cultures, there has been a fundamental tradition that providing shelter to a traveler is the duty of every decent person. The ability to be hospitable and a warm host has always been a measure of the quality of a person's character. Hospitality goes far beyond simply offering shelter and food. It is expected that your guest should feel as comfortable and cozy in your home as they would in their own.
So, what should you do to make your guests' stay in your home pleasant and leave them with a good memory?
It is important to remember that all those you invite into your home—whether they are staying for a few days or just coming over to play—are your personal guests. During their visit, each of them is under your personal responsibility, and you should not expect that your mom, dad, or other family members will entertain them. Of course, anyone would be happy to offer help if needed.
If your friend is coming from another city, try to meet them at the train station or airport. Be there in advance so they don’t have to wait for you, stranded and confused in an unfamiliar place. Greet them warmly with something like, "I’m so glad you came! Did you have a good trip?" This will already create a pleasant first impression of the journey.
Make sure your room is clean and tidy. Free up some space in your wardrobe so your guest can hang up their clothes. Clear out a drawer in your dresser. Allow your guest to take the best spot in the room, and let them choose it themselves.
Give your guest(s) a chance to be by themselves for a little while. They might want some time to change, unpack, or simply relax after their journey. Perhaps they will also want to rest for a bit. After a long trip, there’s nothing better than relaxing in comfort on fresh sheets. Share your belongings generously. If something is very valuable to you and you’re worried about it getting broken or spoiled, put it away before your guest arrives. But if you didn’t do this in advance, don’t refuse if your guest wants to use it.
Preparing food for your guest is part of the ancient ritual of hospitality. It doesn't matter whether you're an expert cook; what's important is the desire to make something for them, and presenting the food with love. The first breakfast in your home is especially important.
During breakfast, lunch, or dinner at the family table, always offer food to your guest first, and only then take some for yourself. Never comment on their table manners or how much or how little they eat. Give your guest the opportunity to converse with everyone at the table. Ask a few questions to make it easier for them to join the conversation. Never whisper to them or giggle if others don't understand the reason for your laughter. And always remember that your family is also doing their best to create a comfortable environment for your friend.
Create a Plan of Fun Activities: Prepare a list of activities you can enjoy together. Plan a visit to your favorite spots in the city. Show them around places you love, whether it's a park, a museum, or a unique local café.
Engage in Active Fun: Take part in activities your guest enjoys, such as fishing, ice skating, or hiking. This will make the time spent together more engaging and enjoyable.
Give Them Independence: If you can’t accompany your guest to all places, provide them with a list of things to do, maps, and directions so they can explore on their own while you're at school or occupied with other commitments.
Respect Your Guest’s Space: If you’re invited to hang out with your friends but your guest isn’t invited, it’s better to decline the invitation and spend the time with your guest.
Stay Natural and Positive: Be yourself and avoid putting pressure on your guest to enjoy things in a certain way. They may feel like they’re bothering you, so it’s important to make them feel comfortable. If they feel like they’re taking up too much of your time, try not to make them feel guilty or uncomfortable about it.
Handle Irritations Gracefully: If you feel any irritation or frustration, don’t let it show. Your guest is likely aware of how much they’re asking of you, so avoid making them feel like they’re causing any trouble. Instead, focus on the positive aspect of the visit and remind yourself that their time with you is limited, and soon they’ll be heading home.
The farewell should be brief and kind-hearted. You should definitely be present when your guest is leaving in order to make their visit pleasant until the very end. Confidently say something nice, for example: "It was great that you came! We had a wonderful time."
How to Be an Ideal Guest
When the holidays or vacation season arrives, many of us leave home to travel and visit relatives or friends. We have a wonderful time staying with the people we care about. It's always nice to stay with loved ones and save on hotel costs! However, it's important to remember that hospitality is a gift that should be properly appreciated.
Let’s take a look at how best to express gratitude to your hosts and make your stay in their home welcome and easy.
A great idea is to send money to your hosts in advance to help cover the costs of your meals, entertainment, and other small expenses. It's best to transfer the money before your arrival, because if you offer it in person, your relatives or friends are likely to politely refuse or significantly reduce the amount you propose. That’s why it’s ideal for your parents to send the money ahead of time with a short note expressing how excited they are about your upcoming visit. If your trip is going to be brief, simply invite your hosts to a café or restaurant and treat them to a meal.
Let your hosts know your exact arrival time in advance. If you said you’d arrive on Wednesday morning, be on time. If you’re running late, be sure to let them know and specify how long the delay will be.
Bring a gift with you to show your appreciation for the free accommodation. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive, but it should be thoughtful. Sweets, flowers, or a souvenir from your hometown — any of these would be wonderful.
Keep the room you’ve been given clean and tidy. Every time you leave the house, make sure your bed is made and your belongings are not scattered around. And wash any dishes you’ve used.
Contribute to household chores. Always be ready to help your hosts with cooking, washing dishes, taking out the trash… A polite person will rarely ask you directly for help. It’s up to you to show initiative and offer a helping hand.
Try to disrupt the daily routine of your friends or relatives as little as possible. If they want to, they may take some time off during your visit, but it’s not your place to ask for that. Do everything you can to fit into the steady rhythm of life of those offering you shelter without causing them inconvenience.
Share your plans. Your hosts should know what you’re intending to do during your visit so they can coordinate accordingly. This will help them decide the best time for lunch and dinner, and know when to expect you back in the evening.
Under no circumstances should you let your friends or relatives feel that you are ignoring them — especially if they live on the outskirts of the city that’s the main reason for your visit. Of course, everyone understands that you’d like to explore the local sights, but it shouldn’t seem like that’s the only purpose of your trip. No one wants to feel like their home is being used as a free hotel.
It’s best to go sightseeing while your friends or relatives are at school or work. But when they return home, plan to spend time together. And if they happen to have a free day, be sure to invite them to join you on your outing.
Share your plans about where you’d like to go and what you’d like to see. Of course, the hosts of your temporary home will want to visit some places with you. But you shouldn’t expect them to entertain you for the entire duration of your stay.
Try not to show disappointment if some of the activities planned by your dear friends or relatives don’t seem especially appealing to you. Accompanying them is an essential part of your visit. Keep in mind that they are sincerely trying to make your stay enjoyable and would appreciate your gratitude for their efforts.
Don’t criticize your hosts’ hometown or country. If you’re a proud resident of the suburbs of East End, don’t even think about telling your hosts that their Riverton doesn’t hold a candle to the capital of the United Kingdom. That would be very upsetting to them. People usually love and take pride in their hometown or country and expect to hear some compliments about it.
Always ask for permission before using anything. Of course, you’ll be told, “Make yourself at home!” But don’t forget that you are still a guest. Be tactful, please.
Don’t overstay your welcome. Try to keep your visit to no more than three days. Your loved ones have their own responsibilities and can’t dedicate their entire lives to you.
Before you leave, please remove the bed linens from your bed. They will definitely be washed after your departure, so kindly help ease the work of your gracious hosts.
Don’t forget to write a thank-you letter. True hospitality is one of the greatest favors you can receive, so be sure to send a note expressing your gratitude for their hospitality shortly after you return home.
[1] Тит Ма́кций Плавт (прибл. 254 - 184 до н. э.) - древнеримский сатирик.
[2] Жан де Лабрюйе́р (1645 - 1696) - французский философ-моралист.
Mobile Phones and the Power of Silence
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people
think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Mark Twain
Do you ever leave the house without your phone? For most of us, the answer is a big “NO.” Honestly, these days, a lot of people feel way more exposed without their phone than without their pants! Our phones are our link to the world, and we spend tons of time just one-on-one with them.
Smartphones are seriously amazing! This tiny device fits right in your pocket, lets you connect with almost anyone anywhere, snap selfies for Instagram, and access basically all the knowledge in the world… It’s pretty incredible!
But more and more people are starting to feel annoyed by how much time they spend glued to their phones. Remember, every time you bury your face in your screen, you’re missing out on talking to the friend right in front of you or enjoying that gorgeous view outside the car window… And before you know it, life just slips by day after day.
So, how do we keep it balanced in this constantly changing digital world?
Remember our formula?
Etiquette + «Golden Rule» = A person feels comfortable in your company
Don’t talk on the phone or check text messages when you’re having a conversation with someone else. Try to focus all your attention on the person you’re talking to.
Avoid using a rude, annoying, or obnoxious ringtone on your phone. Stick to good taste.
Speak more quietly when you’re on the phone in public places, and try to finish your call as quickly as possible. Be considerate.
Turn off your phone when you’re at the movies, in class, at meetings, in church, during meals, and so on. Don’t disturb others who are trying to enjoy life.
Keep phone conversations to a minimum in places like buses, elevators, or store lines… Don’t annoy your “involuntary hostages.”
Share important news in person or call someone on the phone. Text messages in such situations can seem cold and sometimes even cowardly.
If someone calls you by mistake, the best thing to say is: “Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.”
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) was an American writer, journalist, and public figure.
Internet and Politeness
"My boy, treat everyone with politeness—even
those who are rude to you.
For remember that you show courtesy to others not
because they are gentlemen, but because you are one."
Charles Dickens
The beauty of the internet is that it gives us unprecedented access to every aspect of modern life. We’re spending more and more time online, and for many people, it has become a primary source of education, communication, discussion, and entertainment. At the same time, proper online behavior should follow the same rules of good manners that apply in real life.
Extreme rudeness and poor taste in comments have flooded today’s forums and blogs. At times, it feels like internet users are competing to see who can post the most shocking or sarcastic insult. This harsh form of incivility creates a hostile atmosphere and gets in the way of productive dialogue and discussion.
The problem is that many people see the internet as a total break from real life. They feel detached from real-world consequences and think it’s okay to unleash their bottled-up negativity on others.
But keep in mind: someone’s attention is already a gift. It should be received with gratitude. People need to understand that they don’t have the right to demand constant reactions to their “creativity” from people they barely know online.
Remember that there are real people on the other side of the screen. It’s easy to forget that when all you see is your monitor — and maybe the wall in front of you (or whatever else is there). Hidden behind nicknames and usernames, online opponents can seem unreal. But they do exist, and your words can genuinely hurt them. Keep that in mind before you type something their way.
Never write something to a stranger online that you wouldn’t say to their face. The internet offers a mask of anonymity that makes people feel like they can say anything they want. But what you write reflects who you are. It reveals your personality and your worldview. You should feel responsible for your words. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t be proud to sign your name to.
Before you hit “send” on your next message, ask yourself: “Would I say this if the person were standing right in front of me?” Maybe it’s worth rephrasing. If people could just pause and think before posting, it might go a long way toward reducing rudeness online.
Don’t make it personal. Of course, it’s fine to disagree with someone’s ideas online. But in real life, people don’t usually start throwing punches over someone else’s opinion. Yet many internet users love to end their comments with something like, “You’re an idiot!” — often without explaining why they think so. Personal attacks add nothing to the discussion; they only show that you’ve run out of thoughtful or intelligent arguments.
Avoid unconstructive criticism. The internet is full of energetic “exposers” of other people’s ideas. They skim headlines, drop quick comments without reading the actual content, and then move on. Without lifting a finger to create anything themselves, they cynically criticize things they know nothing about. There’s nothing wrong with criticism — as long as it’s constructive. But if you have nothing meaningful to say, it’s better to stay silent.
Avoid excessive vulgarity. Nothing highlights a lack of intelligence and poor manners more than crude language, insults, and cheap clichés. Often, people who are quick with their tongues in real life feel overwhelmed by the endless stream of content online. They think that if they don’t “spice up” their comment, they’ll go unnoticed — and their day will feel wasted. Since they can’t contribute anything meaningful, they resort to shock value just to draw attention. But before you post your “verbal bomb,” try to find a more respectful way to say what you mean.
Sometimes, it’s wiser to hold back and simply refrain from commenting. In polite society, it’s understood: if you don’t have something good to say, it’s better to say nothing at all. Are you sure you absolutely have to win that online argument? Are you sure it’s even worth your time and energy? Why bother? You’re unlikely to change someone’s mind anyway, so why waste your own peace and focus?
And remember: nothing annoys a rude person more than calm politeness.
Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870) was an English writer.
Basic Rules for Hosting Guests
“Hospitality, it seems, has two components: the first is
genuine warmth, and the second is the preparedness to extend it.”
Esquire, 1953
“The key requirements for being a good host are
confidence in oneself, self-respect, and a clear sense of
one’s responsibilities toward guests.”
Esquire, 1954
By now, you’ve probably figured out that self-respect and genuine warmth are key ingredients of real hospitality. So, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of throwing a great get-together and see what it really takes to be the kind of host people actually want to visit.
First things first: you’ve put together a thoughtful guest list and sent out the invites—nice work. Just a quick reminder (because it matters): don’t invite more people than you can actually host and keep happy. It’s way better to have a smaller group and make everyone feel welcome than to overwhelm yourself and end up stressed out.
Before the Guests Arrive
There’s a little prep to do before your guests walk through the door—don’t worry, it’s totally manageable! Here’s your go-to checklist:
-
Tidy up the space. Vacuum the carpets, give the bathroom and toilet a solid clean, and stash away anything you’d rather not put on display. (Yes, that includes your laundry pile or embarrassing childhood photos.) Make sure there’s enough toilet paper, and hang up some fresh hand towels.
-
Wash the dishes and utensils you’re planning to use—and even the ones you think you won’t need. Because let’s be honest, once the snacks start disappearing, you never know what’ll come in handy.
-
Prep some snacks ahead of time. Choose a few that don’t need last-minute attention, so you’re not stuck in the kitchen while everyone else is having fun.
-
Figure out where coats will go. Clear out a closet if you can, or just stack jackets neatly on a bed. If you’ve got two bedrooms, you could even designate one as a “girl’s room” and the other as a “guy’s room” for coats and bags—whatever works best for your space.
Set the mood
A Little Atmosphere Goes a Long Way. A lot of people love decorating their homes for a party with colorful string lights and balloons—and hey, that can be fun! But if you’re going for something a little more low-key and cozy (with maybe a touch of romance), it’s actually really easy to set the mood.
Just dim the lights, light a few candles, and put on some background music. Keep the volume low—you want it to add to the vibe, not drown out conversation. These days, it’s super easy to find the perfect playlist. Try a chill radio station or search online for music that matches your gathering’s vibe—whether it’s a relaxed dinner or a casual hangout.
And now that everything’s set—jump in the shower and throw on something nice! You’ve done the work, now it’s time to look and feel your best before the guests arrive.
The moment has come—your guests are starting to arrive!...
Make it a point to greet each person personally. Open the door with a warm smile and say something like, “It’s so great to see you!” Give them a friendly handshake or a hug—whatever feels natural for your relationship.
Take their coat (ladies first is a nice touch!) and place it neatly in the closet or in your designated “coat zone.” Even if you’re in the middle of a conversation when someone new rings the bell, it’s totally okay to excuse yourself. It’s actually good hosting! Your friends will understand—after all, they were just welcomed the same way.
The key here? Make each guest feel noticed and appreciated the moment they walk in. It sets the tone for the whole evening.
Introduce New Guests to Others. When new guests arrive, make sure to introduce them to people they don’t know yet. Then, guide them toward old friends or a group where you think they’ll feel comfortable and interested. You probably already know how to introduce people, but here’s a handy example for this situation:
"Sasha, I’d like you to meet Ryan. Ryan, Sasha is also competing in the city’s track and field championships."
See? They’ll immediately have something to talk about and won’t feel left out.
And finally, ask the new guest what they would like to snack on and drink before you all sit down at the table, then bring them whatever they wish.
During the Gathering
Keep an eye on your guests’ plates, glasses, and cups to make sure they’re never empty.
The ideal host takes it upon themselves to protect their guests from boredom and loneliness. They make an effort to mix up the groups whenever it seems necessary. You’ll need to do a bit of “spying” on your guests — if you notice someone staring blankly at old photos, dusting off your encyclopedia, or yawning while checking the time, it’s time to step in and shake things up.
That said, people who check their smartphones every two minutes or play “Angry Birds” probably won’t be helped by any amount of social mixing — no matter how many times you reshuffle the groups!
Keep the conversation flowing and make sure it stays friendly and interesting. If you notice your guests getting bored or annoyed by one guest’s tactless rambling, it’s your job to steer the talk in a different direction. Take the initiative and say something like, “Hey, remember when we…” — basically, change the subject.
Help shy guests or newcomers by making them your assistant. Everyone feels awkward standing off to the side, shifting from foot to foot, not knowing who to talk to. Turn your shy friend into your personal helper. Give them a simple task — like going around with a box of chocolates. This will ease their insecurity and give them a chance to mingle with other guests.
If you plan to have games, make sure they’re fun and easy for everyone to join in. Be sure to participate too, and try your best — but if you win a prize, don’t keep it for yourself! There’s a nice old tradition where the host who wins gives the prize to the player who came in second.
If something goes wrong — like someone accidentally drops their ice cream or spills cocoa on your mom’s favorite carpet — don’t freak out or scold them. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how scared they must feel. Calm them down with something like, “It’s okay, I’m sure it can be fixed.”
Spend a little time with each guest. Sometimes hosts who’ve been running around all evening barely get to say anything beyond “hello” and “goodbye.” Try to have at least a short chat with everyone who comes.
Keep the mood light and fun. As the host, you need to find the perfect balance between “trying too hard” and “not trying at all.” Some people get way too anxious — they jump into conversations that are already flowing smoothly, refill plates that still have snacks on them, constantly apologize if things aren’t perfect, push guests to join games no one really wants to play, and keep asking, “Are you having a good time?” They’re basically a bundle of nervous energy. Their anxiety spreads to everyone else and kills the vibe.
A good host enjoys their own company and genuinely has a great time. They stay aware of what’s happening but appear relaxed. If something doesn’t go as planned, they either apologize or make a joke about it. They don’t aim for a perfect party—instead, they skillfully focus everyone’s attention on the good moments and brush off any hiccups.
If you manage to leave a good impression, when people leave your home, they won’t be thinking, “Wow, Andrey was so cool today,” or “Marina is such a smarty,” but rather, “We had such a wonderful time.”
At the End of Your Party
Be sure to see each guest off at the door and wish them a good night. Thank everyone for coming and tell them how great it was to have them over. Avoid starting a new conversation right at the door—otherwise, the goodbye could drag on for 15 minutes or more!
And yes… if any guest embarrassed themselves during the evening, just forget about it. Move on and keep the good vibes going.
[1] William Somerset Maugham (1874–1965) was a British writer and intelligence agent.
[2] Esquire is a monthly American magazine founded in 1933. Its main topics include culture and the arts, fashion and style, business and politics, technology, cars, food, health, and celebrities.
How to Be an Ideal Guest at a Celebration
We already know that the person hosting a party will worry about decorating their home, providing treats, and entertaining everyone who comes. They want all their guests to have a great time—and they also hope everyone behaves well and doesn’t cause any trouble.
Help them out! Be a polite and friendly guest. By doing this, you’ll make it easier for your friend to enjoy the party, leave a great impression, and maybe even make some new, interesting friends along the way.
Always respond to an invitation as soon as possible—especially if the hosts kindly ask you to confirm your attendance. The best way is to call and officially let them know whether you’ll be coming.
Some people think they only need to call if they can’t make it. Others don’t call at all because they’re afraid of an awkward situation—they can’t come but don’t want to explain why.
However, not responding to an invitation is quite rude, because it leaves the hosts unable to plan properly. They need to know the exact number of guests to prepare the right amount of plates, utensils, food, and to figure out seating. Don’t make them guess—this can lead to buying too much or, worse, too little food and drinks, which is embarrassing for everyone.
If you can’t attend, first thank your friend for the invitation. Then, apologize and explain that you unfortunately have other plans. It’s even better if you give a reason, since you want to be invited next time.
If you don’t want to go because you don’t like the person who invited you… well, then you should do what you think is best.
If you’re going to a dinner at a friend’s place, ask them if there’s anything you can bring. After all, preparing food for a crowd isn’t easy. Help lighten the load—bring your favorite salad or a dessert to share.
Always arrive on time. Most hosts plan to serve the main dish once everyone has arrived. Showing up 20 minutes late can seriously stress out the host. Not only will they be worried about the food tasting great, now they’ll also be trying to keep it from going cold. On the other hand, arriving on time gives you more chances to chat with interesting people.
If the event isn’t at someone’s home—like a big party or gathering—it’s usually fine to show up or leave whenever you like. And if you think being fashionably late is your thing… well, that’s up to you.
Always have your friends’ phone number handy, just in case you’re running late. If something unexpected happens—like you get lost—you’ll be able to let them know. Don’t leave people waiting and wondering. Just call and give them a heads-up.
Bring a small gift for the host. A bouquet of flowers is always a great choice.
Be ready to socialize. Don’t just stand there like a statue! On your way to the party, think of a few things you could talk about that your friends might find interesting. Maybe a funny story from school, a movie you’ve seen recently, or some exciting news about yourself or mutual friends. Just remember to steer clear of sensitive topics like politics or religion—it’s a party, not a debate club.
Pay attention to how you eat and drink. Don’t show up starving and ready to devour everything in sight. And please—don’t pile a mountain of food onto your plate. Otherwise, you’ll look like a greedy food monster (yep, people notice!).
And whatever you do, don’t stick your spoon into a shared dish—everyone will see it, and no one will forget it. Also, whether you're feeling up or down, don’t plan to secretly get drunk. It’s not a good look.
Don’t forget to compliment the host. While you’re at the table, say something like, “This food is amazing!” And when you’re leaving, thank them again for the delicious meal and for having you over.
Offer to help clean up and do the dishes. Not every etiquette book would approve, but make it your personal rule when visiting friends. Your host worked hard—like a bee!—to prepare something delicious for everyone… do they really have to wash all the dishes, too? Your friends might try to protest, but deep down, they’ll really appreciate the gesture.
Don’t overstay your welcome. Learn to sense when it’s time to go. When dishes start getting cleared and conversations begin to wind down, that’s your cue. Stand up and say something like, “Well, we had such a lovely evening. I think it’s time for me to head out. Thanks again so much for having me!”
Send a thank-you note within a few days after the event. A handwritten card sent by mail may seem old-school, but your friends will love it—and remember it.
Basic Rules of Behavior at the Table
When we eat, we usually do it on autopilot. It’s an instinct—we’re wired to grab what’s in front of us and chow down without thinking much about it. These days, with all the “freedom from old-fashioned rules,” some people literally eat dry cereal over the sink, shoveling it in by the handful straight from the box and chasing it with milk—right from the carton.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter whether you’re having lunch at a five-star hotel, grabbing a quick bite with classmates in the school cafeteria, celebrating Cosmonautics Day with friends, or eating breakfast with your family at home—knowing basic table manners will always make the experience more enjoyable for everyone, including you.
Sadly, a lot of people never really learned proper table etiquette. Some parents will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars sending their kids to top universities—only for their “little angel” to blow a job interview over lunch by talking with their mouth full or eating with their hands.
So remember: when you eat, stay in control. Don’t gross out the people sitting next to you.
Even today, out of tradition and common sense, we usually sit down to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And if we’re doing that three times a day, we might as well do it nicely.
If you’ve already been invited to the table and there’s no turning back—but you’re not quite sure how to act—just remember these four golden rules:
-
Follow the lead of your hosts. Watch the people who invited you and do what they do. This will help you avoid awkward moments 95% of the time.
Don’t start eating until others do. That way, you’ll see which utensils and dishes to use. Don’t try to improvise! Sure, copying everyone else might make it harder to fully relax and enjoy yourself—but you’ll definitely look like you know what you’re doing.
-
Chew with your mouth closed and don’t speak with food in your mouth. t’s disappointing how many people still chew with their mouths open these days.
Even if you’re dying to say something, wait until you’ve chewed and swallowed. If you want to keep the conversation going, take small bites—don’t stuff your mouth like you’re in a speed-eating contest.
-
Bring the food to your face—not your face to the food. Don’t bend over your plate like you're about to dive in from five centimeters away. Sit up straight, cut or scoop a bite-sized portion, and bring it to your mouth.
And never, ever drink from your soup bowl!!
-
Keep saying “thank you,” “please,” and “excuse me.” These are magic words—and you should use them often and generously.
Who are you dining with, where, and for what occasion?
You’ll need to be a bit of a detective. First, respond to the invitation within three days of receiving it. Ask what kind of event it is and how many people will be there—if that info wasn’t already included.
Dress nicely. It shows respect for your host and helps you make a good impression on the other guests.
If you’ve been invited to someone’s home, bring a small gift—like flowers in a vase or a box of chocolates. Arrive on time, but never more than 10 minutes early. In those last few minutes before guests arrive, hosts are usually busy with final touches.
Casual Meal
(when guests don’t sit down at a formal table)
This means there won’t be a set time when everyone sits down to eat together. Examples include a picnic, a barbecue, or a buffet (which used to be called a "furshet"—the old French term for this style of serving food).
In these cases, all the utensils, plates, and snacks are laid out on a large table, and guests help themselves. The atmosphere is relaxed, but there are still a few things you should keep in mind.
Take a medium-sized portion. It’s unacceptable to leave half of your food uneaten on your plate. Also, taking too much might mean there won’t be enough food left for other guests. If you’re still hungry, it’s better to go back for a second serving. And don’t forget to compliment the cook!
Don’t use your own fork to take food from a shared dish. Instead, ask the hosts where you can find the appropriate serving utensil.
The same rule applies to chips, bread, and crackers. If you’ve already bitten into them once, don’t dip them back into the shared bowl. It’s better to put some sauce onto your own plate and enjoy the snacks there.
Cut meat off a large shared piece only for yourself or for those standing close by. If you cut it into pieces all at once, it will quickly cool down and dry out.
Clean up after yourself — hopefully, no need to go into details here?
Informal Meal
(when guests sit at a common table)
Such an event can take place at any time of the day. It might be a formal breakfast at a sanatorium to mark the opening of the summer season, a business lunch your dad has with colleagues, an Easter dinner at your friend’s house, and so on. People gathered together for a certain occasion will, at some point, take their seats at the common table to eat and socialize.
Take a close look at all the cutlery and dishes shown in the accompanying picture. Each has its own name and purpose.
Let’s study the general principle:
In the center of the setting is the plate. Forks are on the left; spoons and knives are on the right. When it comes to eating, start using the utensils from the outside and, with each change of course, use the next ones closer to the plate. Glasses should remain in the upper right part of your place setting, even if you are not using them. Notice that the water glass is usually larger than the wine glass and is placed to the left of it.
If there is no name card next to your plate, wait until the host or hostess indicates your seat. Wait for the elderly and people older than you to take their seats first, then settle in yourself.
Men usually help women sit at the table. It would be good for a young man to know how to pull out a chair to assist his companion or mother if the father is not nearby. A little practice at home will help make this technique flawless.
If a prayer of blessing is said before the meal, listen quietly with your head slightly bowed.
In some cases, a waiter serves the food. He stops on your left side and offers you to take what you want. In such a situation, always take the portion closest to you from the shared dish. Don’t push food aside searching for a more attractive piece.
Formal Reception
The first sign that you are invited to a formal lunch or dinner is that boys will be asked to come dressed in a suit and tie, and girls in a dress. We won’t spend much time on the details of the attire for this event right now. When the time comes, you’ll learn about them quickly enough. For now, just take a look at the picture depicting what you’ll encounter.
Now let’s pay attention to a few more important details:
Napkins
When you sit down at the table, before you start eating, place your napkin on your lap. Do not tie it around your neck, tuck it into your collar like a baby bib, or tuck it into your pants. Simply unfold the napkin (usually half of it is enough) and lay it on your lap. Although the napkin can protect your clothes if you spill something on yourself, its main purpose is to wipe food residue from your mouth. Gently dab your lips with the napkin (but never rub your mouth) before drinking so that crumbs and bits of food don’t stick to the edge of your glassware. Never start drinking while you still have food in your mouth. After you finish eating or decide to leave the table, carefully place your napkin to the left of your plate.
When to start eating?
The simplest and safest answer is: “When others start.” Never begin eating first by yourself. Wait until all guests have been served.
During the meal
Try not to rest your elbows on the table while you’re eating. But it’s totally fine to put them down during a chat between bites or when you’re having tea or coffee.
Don’t reach across the table for things that are out of your reach or get into someone else’s space. If you need something like salt, pepper, sauce, or a piece of meat, just ask the person next to you to pass it over. If you spill something, first pick up the glass, cup, or mug that fell. Then give the host a hand wiping it up, and don’t make a big deal out of it. Just keep enjoying your meal!
What to do if you don’t like the food?
-
Maybe you just don’t feel like trying it. But really—how can you know you won’t like something if you haven’t even tasted it? Try to take at least a small portion. If you take one bite and leave the rest, that’s totally fine. The host won’t mind—you gave it a shot.
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If you’re on a special diet, it’s a good idea to let your friends know ahead of time so they can plan around it. If it’s a big event and you can’t reach the hosts easily, it might be best to grab a bite at home first—just to be safe.
-
If you really dislike something, don’t shock others with a displeased grimace and—most importantly—don’t offend the friends who worked hard to prepare the meal. Pretend you’re eating or drinking: just touch the drink with your lips or take a small bite. After that, handle it as you see fit.
How to signal that you’ve finished eating?
When you’re finished, there’s a simple way to say so—without saying a word. Lay your butter knife across your butter plate, and do the same with your salad fork on the salad plate. For your main knife and fork, place them together on your plate like the hands on a clock at 4:20. The fork goes on the left (tines up), and the knife on the right, blade facing the fork. That’s the classic “I’m done” signal—and it helps keep things tidy when the table gets cleared.
Saying Goodbye
Before you leave, make sure to thank your gracious hosts. If it’s a big event (say, more than thirty people) and you really need to head out but the hosts are busy entertaining others, it’s okay to slip away quietly without saying goodbye in person. In that case, it’s a good idea to ask a friend to pass along your thanks and farewell. Just be sure to reach out within the next 24 hours to explain why you had to leave without saying goodbye.
And one more thing: the best way to learn proper table manners is to practice them at home during everyday meals. Make it a habit, teach your parents if you need to, and pretty soon, table etiquette will just be a natural part of your family life.
“The dinner table is the training ground not just for good manners,
but for the art of conversation, tolerance, family bonding…
pretty much everything that makes for a decent society —
— except maybe ballroom dancing.”
Judith Martin
Some Tips on How to Eat Properly at the Table
When eating soup, scoop it away from yourself, and sip it from the side of the spoon—not the tip. Never blow on it or stir it frantically to cool it down. If it’s served in a cup, you can drink from it, but use your spoon for any solid bits. Eat soup quietly, and when you’re done, place your spoon on the saucer or plate underneath the bowl.
Baked potatoes should be eaten right out of the skin. Cut it open across the top, add a bit of butter and salt — but don’t mash it all up or dump it onto your plate. Just cut off small bites and enjoy.
Drink juice slowly — don’t gulp it all down in one go. Always hold your glass with one hand.
To eat an artichoke, pull off the leaves one at a time, dip the end in sauce, and scrape off the soft part with your teeth. Once all the leaves are gone, remove the fuzzy center and eat the heart with a fork, like you would with any other vegetable.
Spaghetti is eaten by twirling it onto your fork — no slurping!
When it comes to bread, break off small pieces and butter each one separately. Same goes for rolls and cookies—no big bites.
Don’t use your fingers to push food around your plate. If you need help getting food onto your fork, it’s okay to use a small piece of bread.
That said, there are a few foods you can eat with your hands—like olives, pickles, radishes, corn on the cob, artichokes, small pastries, bread, rolls, and fried chicken at a picnic.
Judith Martin (b. 1938) is an American author, journalist, and expert on etiquette.
Things You Should Never Do at the Table:
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Lick your utensils or wipe them off with your napkin.
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Play with your bread like it’s modeling clay.
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Fidget with your napkin—no knotting, crumpling, or turning it into origami.
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Say “I’m full” and push your plate away when you’re done. Just leave it where it is until someone clears it.
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Clean your teeth with your tongue or a toothpick at the table—it’s not a pleasant sight.
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Lick your fingers or wipe them on the chair, the tablecloth, or the underside of the table. Use your napkin instead.
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Storm away from the table in a fit of anger or frustration.
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Talk non-stop at the table. It slows down your eating and doesn’t give others a chance to chat.
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Interrupt others while they’re speaking.
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Eat too slowly and keep everyone waiting.
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Eat too fast like you’re in a speed-eating contest.
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Eat off your knife—just don’t.
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Chew with your mouth open or talk with your mouth full.
Basic Rules of Behavior Outdoors
“Never do anything that might offend or upset others.
Always practice good manners, whether at home or in public.”
Emily Post, 1922
Since good manners are meant to make everyday interactions with others more pleasant, practice them always and everywhere. The more often you use them, the more natural and graceful they will become.
When you encounter people on the street who look different, no matter how curious you are, avoid staring at them or turning to look after them. Under no circumstances make negative comments about their appearance or discuss them with your companions.
Don’t show excessive friendliness to strangers. They might just want to ask for directions or exchange polite greetings. But unfortunately, not all strangers are safe. So never accept a ride from a stranger, and politely refuse offered candy or ice cream. Just say, “Thank you. No, thank you.”
Follow traffic rules. Don’t cross the street on a red light and don’t dash across in front of an oncoming car. Even if you don’t see any cars nearby, it doesn’t mean you can run across against the traffic signal. A speeding car can appear around the corner at any moment and, God forbid, cause an accident. So, even at 4 a.m. at an empty intersection with no visible traffic, wait for the green light. By the way, it’s a great chance to practice self-control. After all, self-control, calmness, and patience are worldwide signs of good upbringing—and they will earn you respect from others.
Stick to the rules when walking on sidewalks. Keep to the right side and try to stay away from the edge near the road.
Don’t walk backwards, even if you think it’s funny—you might bump into another pedestrian. What if they’re carrying a fragile fishbowl?
Don’t walk in a tight group arm-in-arm blocking the whole sidewalk. And if you see someone coming toward you, immediately break up your group. Sidewalks are for everyone, not just for you.
Don’t block the way for others in public places. If you meet a friend you haven’t seen in a while and want to stop for a chat and reminisce, be sure to step aside. Don’t stand in the middle of the sidewalk blocking traffic, and don’t pretend not to notice when five people have lined up behind you waiting to get around.
When someone coughs or sneezes, they not only make noise—they also spread germs. If you’re feeling unwell, it’s best to stay home. But if you happen to be in a public place and feel a sneeze coming on, cover your face with the inside of your elbow. This helps keep the sound down and stops droplets from spreading.
Help elderly people. We all owe respect to our elders. Sure, sometimes it’s not easy—there are ‘grumpy grandpas’ and ‘grouchy grandmas’ out there. But even when it’s difficult, you should still step aside for them, hold the door, offer your seat on a bench or in public transport, help them at the doctor’s office, or lend a hand in any tricky situation they might face.
If you’re on rollerblades, a skateboard, or a bike, make sure to give people a heads-up before passing them. Don’t do it right behind their back—you could startle them.
And don’t forget to smile more often! A smile is a universal way to connect with people. It has a positive effect on others, and it makes you more likeable too.
“The best people are the ones who make us smile the most.”
Steven Paul Jobs
Don’t litter. Don’t toss wrappers or chewing gum on the ground. Always try to aim for the trash bin or container. And never throw anything out of a window. There’s no one following behind you to clean up your mess.
“Excuse me!” or “I’m sorry!” is all you need to say if you accidentally do something that might annoy others.
Emily Post (1872 - 1960) – was an American writer and expert on etiquette.
Steven Paul Jobs (1955 - 2011) – American entrepreneur, inventor, and industrial designer.
Proper Behavior on Public Transportation
The rules of good behavior are the same no matter what kind of public transportation you’re using. The most important thing is to always remember: you’re not the only one on the bus, tram, or commuter train. Other people paid for their ride too — and they also have the right to a comfortable, peaceful trip. No matter what happens, behave respectfully and be polite to those around you.
Bus stops, subway stations, and train platforms — these are all areas of increased risk, so don’t run around, push others, or play dangerous games while waiting for your ride.
When you're riding the bus home from school, it might feel like a time to let loose and toss your good manners out the window. Sure, it's natural to feel excited — your school day is over and the rest of the day is yours. But don’t let that excitement take over. Look around — there are other people near you!
Feel free to tell your friend a funny story or play a quiet word game, but don’t shove, shout, or tease classmates. Save all that energy for the playground.
The driver matters! The driver is the most important person in the vehicle. Your safety depends on their focus and skill. That means bothering the driver, standing too close, or distracting them isn’t just rude — it’s actually dangerous.
Be patient. If someone in front of you is boarding the bus slowly, stay calm. Pressuring them won’t make things go any faster.
Take Only One Seat. Sit in one spot and keep your bags or backpack on your lap, not on the seat next to you. If you’re by the window and need to get off, say, “Excuse me” to the person next to you. Don’t forget to say it again as you make your way through the crowd toward the door.
If you're standing make sure you’re not stepping on someone’s feet. Never lean on people who are sitting. Hold on to a rail or seat handle so you don’t bump into others when the vehicle turns or brakes suddenly.
Don't stare or eavesdrop. Avoid staring at people or listening in on their conversations. Sure, long trips can get boring, but imagine how you’d feel if someone kept staring at you. If you accidentally make eye contact with someone, just give them a quick smile — it’s a polite way to acknowledge the moment and say, “Sorry for being in your space.” A good way to pass the time is to look out the window and let your thoughts wander.
Offer help when you can. Be ready to assist those who are older or less able. If someone is clearly struggling to climb the steps, offer them a hand. Always give up your seat to elderly passengers or people with disabilities.
If you’re riding in a taxi, or being driven somewhere by your friend’s parents, a teacher, neighbor, or any other adult — try not to ask the driver too many questions. Keep the conversation friendly and light. Answer their questions briefly and clearly, and never make remarks about the car’s age or condition.
Don’t bounce on the seats, lean on the driver’s shoulders, or grab them by the neck — that’s not only rude, but also unsafe. Never wipe your hands on the seat or windows, and don’t let candy or chewing gum end up stuck to the upholstery or floor.
If you enjoyed the ride, let the driver know — and always say “thank you” while making eye contact.
Tipping the taxi driver: when riding in a taxi, it’s customary to give a tip when paying the fare. The amount depends on the length of the ride, but generally it should be around 10 to 20 percent of the fare shown on the meter.
Basic Rules of Behavior in School
“They attend classes but make no effort
to learn anything new.”
Pelagius
The time you spend at school can be both enjoyable and rewarding. In the classroom, you discover new things, exchange thoughts and ideas, spend time with friends, and share fun moments with them. Lunch break often feels like a club meeting of “Let’s think of something cool to do.”
Practice your good manners at school — it’s a perfect opportunity to improve your social skills, which are a key part of future success. How well you behave plays a big role in creating a positive and creative environment in class for both students and teachers.
Treat everyone the way you’d like to be treated. Act considerately, as if you were at a formal event where making a good impression matters. All of this will help you get the most out of your school experience.
A good teacher is often seen as a kind of older friend. They can inspire hope, spark your creativity, and nurture a love of learning.
Even while earning a modest salary, a good teacher supports your emotional, social, and physical growth — almost like a guardian angel.
Those who choose teaching as their calling see real purpose in what they do. Treat them kindly and with respect. If you want your learning experience to be meaningful, try to adapt to their teaching style rather than criticize it.
And remember: one of the greatest joys for any teacher is hearing praise for their student.
Before saying or doing anything during class, ask yourself: “Could this offend someone?” If the answer is no, then go ahead — your words or actions are likely to earn you respect from both your teacher and classmates.
If your school doesn’t have a uniform, wear clean and appropriate clothes. Showing up in saggy sweatpants and a dirty T-shirt isn’t the best choice. People used to treat education as something almost sacred — and the way you dress should reflect your respect for your teacher and for learning itself. Your teacher will notice and appreciate the effort.
Come to school clean, with brushed teeth. Remember, your classmates are stuck in the same classroom with you for six hours. Don’t make them want to bolt from your desk like it’s cursed — or start planning to give you a gift basket of soap and chewing gum for the next holiday.
Be on time. Try to arrive a few minutes before class starts.
A teacher’s desk is their personal space. That means you should never pull open drawers or open cabinet doors out of curiosity. Don’t take anything from the desk without asking first. Grabbing something you need and then saying, “Is it okay if I took this, Ms. Smith?” isn’t polite — and don’t be surprised if the answer makes it clear that what you did was wrong and unacceptable.
If your teacher says, “I’m leaving you in charge,” while stepping out of the classroom for a moment, take it seriously. That’s a sign they trust you to behave. So if the class is left unsupervised, show through your actions that you’re worthy of that trust.
If you make a mistake, never shift the blame onto someone else. That kind of excuse usually reflects worse on you than if you just owned up to it honestly. Throwing a classmate under the bus will make you look weak and will likely ruin your relationship. And if you try to blame the teacher or another adult? Well, common sense should tell you — that’s a really bad idea.
New students often feel lost and out of place. Everything is unfamiliar, and they may feel like outsiders. But this gives you a great opportunity: offer them your help. Show them around the school so they can get their bearings. Invite them to join your group during recess. Chat with them at lunch and ask about their old school. A little kindness on your part can make their adjustment so much easier — and you might just gain a new friend in the process.
Be honest. Avoid anything that feels dishonest — like cheating, lying, gossiping, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
One common example of dishonesty at school is copying someone’s answers during a test or using a cheat sheet. That’s basically like stealing money out of someone’s pocket. Tests and quizzes are meant to show how well you understand the material. If you copy someone else’s work, you’re not showing your knowledge — you’re just showing that you know how to cheat. And once a teacher catches you, their trust in you is hard to rebuild.
Always do your homework. It helps you prepare for tests and exams — and you’ll feel good knowing you earned your results honestly. Plus, your conscience will be clear, and you’ll feel more aligned with the values that really matter.
The library is one of those places where silence is especially important. Most people go there to read and concentrate. So don’t chat loudly with friends or make noise. And be sure to treat library books with care — just like you would with books borrowed from friends. Return them on time, too, so others have the chance to read them as well.
Even in the school restroom, certain rules of decency must be observed. Imagine you are a guest at your friend’s house. Would you really spill liquid soap on the floor, dirty the sink, throw trash out the window, or leave silly graffiti on the walls? If you notice someone else doing these things, don’t follow their example. And if you accidentally make a mess yourself, try to clean it up using, for example, toilet paper. Speak as little as possible, avoid staring at others, and don’t forget to wash your hands with soap.
Avoid eating food you brought from home while in the classroom. First, it’s unfair to your classmates who, for whatever reason, don’t have a sandwich with them—they will watch you and feel hungry. Second, you are bound to make a mess. And third, the smell of food in the classroom is not always pleasant. Wait for the break and eat your meal in the hallway or cafeteria instead.
School Holidays
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Graduation… all these festive days imply joyful times spent with friends. However, there are two groups of people who feel differently about them.
For some, any holiday is a happy and memorable event, and they are genuinely excited about the upcoming school celebration. Others grumble, calling it all banal and a waste of time. The difference lies not in how the event takes place, but in your attitude toward it and how you perceive it.
Holidays don’t just happen on their own — you create them yourself. Don’t hesitate to join the organizers planning the event, and be sure they will gladly welcome your original ideas. And always strive to do your part well.
Before attending the school dance party, take a shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on something nice. Try to look so good that when you see your photo 20 years from now, you can think, “How elegant I was in that pink dress! And what a beautiful natural blush I had!” Or: “I looked just like a social butterfly! And what a great head of hair I had!”
Get ready for a wonderful evening! Have fun! Dance, even if you’re shy or think you’re not very good at it. After all, you’re surrounded by your best friends, and life is beautiful!
If you’re a boy and want to catch the attention of a girl you like, now is the time to ask her for a slow dance, show her your good manners, and revive old traditions. Girls love to be courted!
If you’re a girl, remember to be kind and sensitive to the boy’s feelings. Help the boy who invited you improve his dancing skills if he’s not a very good dancer, instead of sulking or criticizing him.
How to Earn Respect and Impress the Opposite Sex
To gain respect and make a good impression, keep in mind these simple rules:
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Avoid using rude or shocking language. Your way of speaking reflects your mind and heart.
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Never talk with a mouth full of food. Hopefully, this goes without saying.
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Always dress tastefully and appropriately for the occasion.
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Always turn off your mobile phone during meetings or events.
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Always say “Yes, please” or “No, thank you,” rather than just “Yes” or “No.”
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Always accept compliments sincerely. Insincerity is easier to notice than you think.
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Always offer help to those in need.
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Always keep your promises.
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Always maintain good posture and smile often.
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Always be a good listener and conversationalist.
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During conversations, avoid talking only about yourself, gossiping, being too nosy, staring at your interlocutor from head to toe, asking overly personal questions, pointing at people, or being too pushy.
Try to enjoy your school celebrations in a fun and responsible way. Act so that even ten years later you can look back on them fondly — not with embarrassment or regret.
Pelagius (c. 360 – 431) — a British (Brittonic) theologian of the 4th century.
A boy should know that a true gentleman:
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Always walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street. This shows that he's ready to protect his companion from any danger — or from a splash of water caused by passing cars.
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Always opens and holds the door for his companion and offers a hand to help her get out of a car or bus.
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Always helps her put on or take off her coat.
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Always walks behind her when going up the stairs, so he can catch her if she trips or falls.
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Always helps carry her bags — as long as it’s not her personal handbag.
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Always holds the umbrella over her when walking in the rain.
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Always offers his sweater, jacket, or coat if he sees she's cold.
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Always walks her to the door of her home and waits until she’s safely inside before leaving.
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Always keeps her secrets. Even if they break up, she can still trust him, because he will never reveal the personal things she once shared with him.
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Always listens carefully to what she says. To be a great conversationalist, you must first be a great listener.
Basic Etiquette for Sunday School and Church
The two main faith groups in our country are Christians and Jews. In recent decades, a growing Muslim community has also become part of the picture. Since it has its own customs and traditions, covering that properly would need a separate book.Christians are generally divided into Catholics and Protestants, and Protestants belong to many different denominations. Because each church has its own way of doing things, Sunday schools can vary quite a bit. Still, they all matter—because that’s where you learn about your faith and what makes it meaningful.
What you get out of Sunday school is really up to you. No one will force you to learn or do anything. It’s not like regular school—there are no tests, no grades, and no punishment if you miss a class or don’t always follow along.
Sunday school teachers are different from your everyday teachers too. They don’t teach for a paycheck—they volunteer their time because they genuinely care about helping young people connect with their faith and enjoy it. That’s why they need your help to make the class a success. So if you're asked to read, sing, or take part in an activity, try to join in with a good attitude and give it your best shot.
If you’ve never taken part in teamwork before, you might not realize how fun—and rewarding—it can be. There’s a real sense of satisfaction when you help get something done right. So, if your Sunday school class is working on a group project or planning something together, be sure to jump in and do your part.
People go to church to pray together, to give thanks for their blessings, and to ask for help in understanding and doing what’s right. Church is God’s house, so it makes sense to come in with respect and a thoughtful, worshipful attitude.
What you wear to church matters, too. You don’t need fancy clothes, but whatever you wear should be clean, neat, and in good shape. Save your party clothes for parties—they’re not meant for church. Instead, wear your best everyday clothes. And if it’s raining, wear your rain gear—but make sure it’s neat and appropriate.
It’s important to get to church at least a few minutes before the service starts. As you approach the door, stop talking and go in quietly. If there’s an usher, take the seat they offer without arguing. Once you’re seated, stay there—there’s no need to move around.
If you arrive during a prayer, wait quietly near the door until it’s finished, then slip into your seat. If you’re very late and the sermon has already begun, it’s best to sit in the back until there's a better time to move—if there’s space and it won’t be disruptive. Try not to walk around during the service.
While you’re in church, sit quietly and respectfully. Don’t bring games, books, or your phone to play with. And avoid giggling, whispering, or chatting—anything that might distract the people around you.
When the service is over, it’s fine to smile at your friends, but save the chatting for outside. If your minister or priest is at the door greeting people, be sure to say hello as you leave—it’s a small gesture, but it means a lot.
People take their faith pretty seriously, so don’t knock someone else’s religion or customs just because they’re different from yours. If someone asks about your beliefs, don’t get mad or offended. Just say something like, “That’s just how I was raised, and I’m used to it,” and then switch the topic. Religion’s really not something to argue about.
Basic Rules of Behavior in Cinemas, Theaters and Concerts
These days, we don’t really have to leave the house to catch a movie or show—we’ve got everything right at our fingertips. Streaming a film on the couch with snacks in hand is easier (and cheaper) than ever. Let’s be honest: going out to the movies can cost a bit, especially when you factor in tickets and overpriced popcorn and soda.
But when you do decide to go, remember—you're not the only one there to have fun. Everyone came to enjoy the film, so here’s how to keep it classy and not be “that person.”
Be on time (or at least smooth about being late). Try to show up before the movie starts. It’s way easier to find your seat while the lights are still on. If you’re late and it’s already dark, hang back for a second near the back row so your eyes can adjust. Then make your way in without tripping over legs or stepping on toes.
Getting to your seat? Be polite. If your seat is in the middle of the row, say “excuse me” as you pass by people—every time. Yeah, it can be awkward, but it’s better than climbing over someone in silence.
Snacks? All set before the show starts. Grab your popcorn and drinks before you sit down, and try not to leave your seat mid-movie. This isn’t a kitchen—you can survive without another soda refill. And save the chats with your friend until after the film.
Keep your snacks to yourself, don’t stick gum to the seatson’t stick gum to the seats, don’t toss wrappers on the floor, don’t scatter popcorn everywhere, and please don’t leave anything behind on the floor or empty seats.
Don’t lean on the seat in front of you, and try not to tap your foot to the beat of the music.
Don’t be that loud laugher. Sure, laugh at the funny parts—it’s a comedy, not a library. But if you’re still cracking up long after the scene’s over, it stops being funny for everyone else. Reel it in a bit.
No live commentary, please. Nobody came to hear your version of the movie. Don’t whisper punchlines, don’t explain jokes, and definitely don’t act shocked at every plot twist. If something’s confusing or funny in your language—cool! But you don’t need to make a scene about it.
Keep the drama on the screen. Try to stay calm. No gasps, no loud groans, and no “OMG did you see that?!” outbursts. Save the deep analysis for after the credits roll.
If you must talk, whisper. And mute your phone. This one’s easy: keep your voice down, and put your phone on silent. Texting might seem harmless, but that glowing screen is super distracting in a dark room. Always keep in mind: you're not alone in the theater.
Leaving early? Make it quiet. If you have to dip out before the end, do it quietly—just like you came in. Whisper “sorry” if someone has to move for you, and keep your voice down until you’re out the door.
Seen the movie already? Shhh. No spoilers. Don’t say, “Oh, this part is wild!” two seconds before something major happens. Let everyone experience the story for themselves. And hey, watching a movie a second time can be even better—you might notice things you missed the first round.
“The Show Starts at the Coat Check”
No one really knows exactly what the great Russian theater director Konstantin Stanislavsky meant by that phrase. However, when you go to the theater, your experience does start with your coat at home. Take off your nice, dark-colored outerwear and try to get there at least 20 minutes before the show starts. That way you’ll have time to check your coat, freshen up, grab a program, and find your seat without rushing.
Don’t be late! Once the third bell rings, the show begins—and usually, they won’t let latecomers in. If you do get in after the start, don’t try to sneak through the dark by yourself. Let the usher decide whether it’s best to seat you during a break or wait until the first act is over.
During intermission, most people leave the auditorium to stretch their legs in the lobby. It’s the perfect time to grab a snack, have some tea or coffee (or lemonade), make a phone call, hit the restroom, or take care of anything else you need.
Don’t try to sneak out early just to avoid waiting in line at the snack bar. That’s really rude to both the actors and the audience. For decades, people have tried to mix culture with concessions—but the snack bar usually wins.
If you don’t like the play, hang in there until intermission, then leave with a light heart. But don’t leave in the middle of a scene.
Keep quiet during the show. Save your reviews, cheers, or critiques for intermission. Don’t spoil it for others who are enjoying the performance.
Turn off your phone, and absolutely don’t talk on it during the show. Taking photos or videos is usually forbidden too.
Concert Etiquette
Concert rules aren’t much different from theater rules, except if you’re late, wait for a pause or the end of the song before heading to your seat.
Applause is super important for the performers — it shows your appreciation and respect for their talent. But be careful! Sometimes there’s a pause, and it might seem like the show is over when it’s not. So, make sure it’s really the end before you start clapping. A good tip: wait until the rest of the audience starts applauding before you join in.
Basic Rules of Behavior in Public Places,
Including Office Buildings and Museums
First things first—remember, you’re not the center of the universe. You’re surrounded by lots of strangers, and the closer you get to them, the more your patience and good manners matter. Always be polite to the people around you.
Think about safety when you’re moving through building lobbies, stores, or on escalators. Avoid bumping into people by doors, elevators, or hallways. Rules like these should be followed everywhere you go and become a part of who you are.
If you draw attention by talking loudly, laughing too much, rushing around, or pushing, that just shows bad manners.
Try to stay in a good mood, but don’t overdo it by acting overly hyper or loud.
In fancy office buildings with lots of companies, thousands of people spend a big chunk of their lives there. If you find yourself in one, act like an adult: don’t run or slide around on the marble floors of the lobby. Before you get on an elevator, check which floor you need. If you’re not sure, look at the display or ask the receptionist where the office you want is.
Be patient when waiting for elevators. Press the button once—that’s enough. If the elevator is full, don’t squeeze in—wait for the next one. When you enter, don’t rush or push. Try to stay still while the elevator is moving—it annoys the people around you if you’re shifting all over the place. Hold the door open for anyone coming up to the elevator. Don’t hide in a corner hoping the door closes quickly on them.
When you’re squeezing past people to leave, say “excuse me” loud enough for them to hear—but don’t shout. Saying things like “I’m leaving” or “Let me through” sounds rude and demanding. Stick to the classic “excuse me” or “pardon me.”
On escalators, stand still. Never run up or down the steps. Don’t play games there—it’s dangerous for you and everyone nearby.
Museum Etiquette
When you’re in a museum, remember—you’re there to enjoy the exhibits, not put on your own show. If you're with your friends or classmates, don’t talk too loud or play games like hide-and-seek behind the Roman statues. Never touch the exhibits! Follow any instructions given by the group leader or museum staff.
Supermarket Etiquette
In crowded supermarkets (where you’re bound to run into a few familiar faces), you probably shop there almost every day, and standing in line is part of the deal. Never try to skip ahead or cut in line. Doing that makes it seem like you think you're more important than everyone else, that waiting isn’t good enough for you, and that your time is more valuable than others'. It’s rude. So just learn to wait patiently. C'est la vie—that's life!
When you walk through a door, remember that there might be people behind you. Quickly glance over your shoulder to make sure no one’s right behind you, so you don’t accidentally hit them with the closing door. Hold the door open for someone entering (or exiting) after you.
If someone kindly offers to let you go first and holds the door for you, don’t rush ahead. Instead, say, “After you,” and if it’s a woman, add, “Ladies first.” If someone’s more polite than you and holds the door for you, don’t forget to say “thank you” as you pass.
Boys should always hold doors for girls and adults, and under no circumstances should they try to slip in first, no matter how urgent it seems.
Never grab a shopping cart if someone’s already reaching for it. There are enough carts for everyone, and none of them are better than the others.
Watch where you’re going. If your cart’s blocking the way, quickly move it and say "sorry" or "excuse me." You should also say these words when you need to pass someone walking in front of you. Always remember, supermarket aisles aren’t race tracks—don’t run up and down them, and definitely don’t ride your cart like it’s a go-kart.
Learn to stay calm if other shoppers are annoying you. They are not doing it on purpose—they’re probably so focused on their own shopping that they don’t even notice you. Don’t push or be rude just to prove you’re in a hurry. Instead, show good manners and stay composed.
Begging your mom to buy something she didn’t plan to get is the quickest way to ruin her mood.
Once you’ve got your manners down in the supermarket, you’ll know how to act in any crowded place.
Conclusion and Self-Check
(Review Questions)
If you’ve made it to this chapter, it means you’ve learned a lot about what your manners should be like. Some people think that it’s enough to just know what to say or do in a given situation. To justify their bad behavior, they sometimes say: 'I know better how to behave.' However, knowing what is right and what is wrong is only the first step in mastering good manners. It’s not enough to simply know how to behave; it’s important to act accordingly.
If you want to test your new knowledge, try the following questions. Read each one carefully and answer with 'yes' or 'no' in the provided space. After that, flip the page and check your answers. Give yourself 4 points for each correct answer and add them up. If your total score is less than 32, it means you should reread some sections of this book. If your score is between 76 and 88, it means you have very good manners. And if it's between 88 and 100, then... you may someday become a diplomat, as your impeccable manners have already become a part of you.
TEST QUESTIONS
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Would you keep a prize you won at your own party?
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Would you put food on your plate before offering it to your neighbor?
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Would you introduce a girl to a boy by starting with her name?
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Is it polite to wipe your fingers on a napkin?
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Is it acceptable to say you don’t like a gift that was given to you?
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Should you stand up if an older person enters the room?
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Would you blame others for something you did yourself, if you’re sure the truth won’t come out?
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Is it correct to say "I’m getting off" if you want to exit an elevator full of people?
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Is it a good idea to walk backward down the street?
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Should you help new students find their way around the school?
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Should your knife and fork stay on the table when you pass your plate for a second serving?
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Would you comment on differences between your friend’s home and your own when visiting their house?
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Would you rush into a train car before others to grab a seat?
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Is it necessary to tip the taxi driver?
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Is it acceptable to tease your friend’s dog while visiting their house?
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Should you coordinate the plans for your party with your mom?
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Is it acceptable to copy someone’s answers during a school test?
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Is it correct to blow on a plate to cool the soup?
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Should you follow the rules accepted in the house where you’re a guest?
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Is it appropriate to ask private questions if you want to learn something about your friend?
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Should you make an issue if your friend makes a mistake in your house?
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Should a boy walk on the inner side of the sidewalk if he is walking with a girl?
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Do you always return other people’s things in good condition?
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Is there a dish that can be eaten with your hands??