Time travel across Washington Swamp
February 4, 2021
It looks like leftist forces, without question, represent a much more advanced civilization than the unwashed Trump supporters. Apparently, nowadays, intellectual superiority lies with the knights of social justice, commissars of post-Marxism, and neo-Maoist intelligentsia. We were all not fair-minded when we said that Americans’ new generation didn’t contribute anything to human, huwoman, and huit civilizations. We complained about the Soros-Jugend folks using cell phones, computers, and the Internet invented by previous generations.
However, the well-educated anti-Trumpist intelligentsia has, beyond any reasonable doubt, demonstrated a remarkable ability for time travel. Ladies and gentlemen, we were wrong, period.
Firstly, the 2020 presidential election results in some Democrat-controlled states violated previously-fundamental (and now debunked by coterie fact-checkers) laws of physics. Thousands of snail-mailed ballots were received even before they were officially sent out. Thus, the 2020 election not only instantly cured America of the Trump-is-Putin’s-marionette psychosis but also showed first confirmed evidence of the possibility of time travel.
Secondly, Democrats also revealed that they are gracious, generous people. Without hesitation, they shared their extraordinary discovery with Republicans – what noble a gesture!
Equipped with this new technology, Republicans were able to pull off a previously unheard-of trick. On or around New Year’s Eve, they traveled into the future and got excited by Trumps’ speech on January 6th, 2021, to an unbelievable degree. Then, they came back to 2020, and returning the favor, Republicans informed Democrats about the coming riots.
In response, the grateful and euphoric Democrats began planning for the Capitol riot about a whole week before the speech in question. They declined all requests for increased security for the January 6th event to not bend the cause-and-effect relationship.
As a result, brawl at the Capitol commenced even before Trump began his speech. Who needs to wait until the end of the exhortatory speech if its content has been known in advance? Of course, the events of January 6th, 2021, would not have happened if the dim-witted masses did not get foreknowledge of it by utilizing the Democrats-supplied time machine. After a quick initial assault by veritable far-left activists was suitably filmed and pedantically documented, Capitol Police, far from quivering in terror, warmly invited the attackers inside and showed them the way. In the end, it was practically non-destructive mayhem, unlike all the previous Democrat-organized “mostly peaceful protests.”
It’s not clear how the FBI got word – via informants or thru time travel too. Still, several law enforcement units dressed in full riot gear were spotted in the morning around the Capitol, long before Trump’s speech; the units were quickly removed thou when the Capitol building’s perimeter was breached.
Lastly, security cameras around the Capitol building detected a guy who planted pipe bombs one day before Trump’s speech.
In conclusion, Democrats did everything possible to succeed; they even supplied a group of adequately equipped, riot-tested agents-provocateurs. However, shortly after the disturbing events, when Congress was forced, albeit briefly and unintentionally, into the position envisioned by the Founding Fathers – the position of being afraid of American citizens – the time machine apparently broke.
No longer backed by the time machine, Democrats immediately shifted into a clueless mode. Without the hindsight of the future and foresight of the past provided by time travel, the narrow-minded Democratic gerontocracy swiftly impeached Donald Trump for a second time, incriminating him with something concocted by their own paramilitary wings. Nobody was brave enough to warn them that freshly created precedent will require a mere couple of hours to impeach any future president without any hearings and witness testimonies. Effectively, they paved the road to all previous, present, and future Democratic presidents’ impeachment by the very first coming Republican-controlled House.
Without a time machine, nobody can say for sure what exactly we are witnessing here. Have both the Democrat and Republican parties depleted their systemic resource? Either the Democrat-induced reductio ad absurdum was the ultimate goal, or, more probably, daunted commissars simply overplayed their hand, as usual.
[Originally published at NOQ Report]